Shwag’s Blog

You have choices. Choices in what to wear, in what kind of car you drive, choices to have a baby or not, to volunteer or not, to have Dunkin or Starbucks, to buy $12.00 flowers at Whole Foods or not.

I chose to buy $12.00 flowers at Whole Foods yesterday; however I can never choose my nail color at the nail salon. Too many options overwhelm me. You had to see me choosing tiles for my bathroom. Lately I have been making bad choices.

Friday night over white wine and yet another adult dinner, we went around the table naming 5 things we are looking for in a significant other. The answers all varied, which surprised me.

Here are my 5:

1. Financially stable/financially responsible (must have a job)
2. Cannot live with his parents, his girlfriend, or his girlfriends’ parents
3. Must have a moral compass
4. Must be social and active. Cannot be a couch potato
5. Must be  accepting of my large family and commitments that come with that

I want to focus on #3, ‘Moral Compass.’ In looking for a boyfriend or partner in life, I want someone who is genuinely a good person. Deep down I think I am a good person. I could care less, about race, religion, your trust fund or lack thereof one, please just be a good person.

And what I mean is don’t just say or act the part. Truly mean it. Live it. I dated someone once and couldn’t pin point for months what was off about him and then it hit me; no moral compass.

My list is comprised of components picked up along the way from my past relationships. Some good some bad, some terrible, and I hate to sound cliché but I learned from all of them.

This weekend I did a lot of relaxing things and finally a long run. It was way too cold by the water so I ran a few miles on Riverside Drive, then off to  Central Park, which is so beautiful but boring. Since most of my races are there I never train on the loops. Today I went off roading and made my way through all the smaller trails and ended up around the reservoir following this little orthodox girl in a skirt. It was pretty funny.

For 2 miles we were basically racing each other. If you have been to Central Park’s Jackie Kennedy Onassis Reservoir it is pretty narrow; and there we were racing, literally passing each other every few feet. It was pretty fun. Outside the park, I did a lot of street running which I love, the waiting for the cars and the lights and other people on the street give you a bit of a breather and the scenery never gets boring, but I definitely have to start doing more hill work. I guess this weekend in the park during my race will have to do. Oh man am I really enjoying the upper west side.

On the way back home, I also accidentally cut off a 91’ Nissan pickup truck attempting to merge.  It was a total accident he was going way to slow and couldn’t commit to the merge, so I stepped on it and he rode my bumper until I took off. We caught up at a red light, where he came from nowhere and cut me off so bad that I had to swerve left, narrowly slamming into the guardrail before slamming my brakes. I pulled up next to him, right on Central Ave rolled my window down and honked my horn and he refused to look at me. I stopped traffic behind me and continued to honk and yell out “Sir roll down, your window, Sir” “Real mature” I did not curse once. I continued to honk and scream the entire duration of the light and just as the light turned green; he gave me the figure but never looked at my face.  He was as mature as the little girl in Starbucks this morning wiping her boogers on the pastry case.

You know how I never watch movies more than once, except of course it is my all time favorite movie Legends of the Fall or maybe Kiss me Guido? Besides watching 3 movies this weekend, I re- watched two. I also did another new thing. I gave 26 an ultimatum.

My theory on ultimatums is that they do not work. I mean seriously who cares about me and him; we are never going to be anything. If he wanted to we would have been by now. If I can do anything by this ultimatum it is to help him and his girlfriend work through their problems. Maybe she will even thank me in the long run. Who are we kidding they will never make the long run.

Getting back to #3. Under the guise of Moral Compass comes trust and honesty. Just like the guy that cut me off and would not look at me but rather gave me the bird;  26 is a little bit of a p@^%y.

I changed sneakers the other day and finally took them to the streets yesterday. They definitely made a difference and I used my new padded heeled socks; but my foot still feels bruised.  Now all my running gear is a small, including my socks. I bought small socks so the padding would hit my heel in the right place. FYI Dicks Sporting Goods Store is having an additional 50% off all winter sporting wear. Additional. It’s a good deal! I bought Under Armour pants for $18.00 and a pair of Addidas for $13.00; I also bought a pair of work slacks at the GAP for $4.00. They were $18.00 on sale (Black or Navy) with an additional 25% off and I had a $10.00 coupon lol. I’m on fire.

Yet another first this weekend; I watched the Food Network. Iron Chef America and Chopped. Googled all the chefs, while watching the show and apparently the one chef that was on both shows declared personal bankruptcy because of a lawsuit and the other chef contestant works at a NYC restaurant the bestie was just at last Tuesday Night. Why I’m telling you this is because I’m trying to get over there soon and chat him up. He is quite delicious and single (not the one in bankruptcy).

I’m really into this cooking thing but it is very hard cooking for one person. My portions are huge and of course I finish them all. I bet I would be down the 20 I can’t seem to lose if I just learned how to cook for one. I am super conscious of my carb, protein ratio and all the ingredients are seriously healthy and very low in fat, I just can’t seem to control my portions.

Nobu 57 is next on my restaurant hit list and Book of Mormon is still on my Broadway hit list.  Oh and another totally NY thing I want to do is….. Chelsea Piers, I want to go! I don’t care if its pricey and touristy this spring I want to take a class there after my long run or partake in Yoga on the pier this summer (free classes usually every first Thursday of the summer months) or make a night out of it or a Saturday and athlete camp, rock-climbing, ice skating, bowling, oh my.

So, I started talking to this guy. Few great conversations, coffee, little attraction and then he tells me he runs 6 miles a day. 6 MILES A DAY. Yea, maybe it would be different if he worked out every single day or if he was training for something. But someone who is that regimented, I can’t do. I like a little spontaneity; I like to mix it up a little, or alot. I mean I can’t even run in Central Park and he is running the 6 mile loop every single day.

Getting off the main loop and finding the gravel trails and smaller pathways was exhilarating and you get to see all the beautiful nooks and crannies of that absolutely spectacular park, but the loop everyday for 6 miles, I just can’t imagine. That turned me off. That one single thing. Also now that I think about it I don’t even know if I want to run the NYC Marathon.  I mean 26.2 miles in a little insane and I’m so behind in training for my March 1/2. In one way training for the NYC Marathon will definitely make me lose weight, which is why I run in the first place, but my of thinking is just all wrong. I figure since I ran 2 ½’s before I do not get super anxious about missing some of my smaller running days. But do I really have the time and the stamina for the NYC Full? Especially without a training partner?

Options, choices. Oh god I think I make bad ones. I told my mother last weekend I was going to marry for money and not love. She just looked at me, with a look of confusion and disbelief almost like grandma’s when I told her I’m going to Hong Kong. I also told her a few years ago I was going to freeze my eggs, and now at 32 I think she is coming around to the idea. My grandma is under a lot of stress lately so I should probably not get into my crazy plans with her.

Anyways showed my sister my new Kardashian inspired purchases. I’m still pissed this one collared, no sleeve, navy blue sheer blouse didn’t look right on me, it was so Kourtney K. I did purchase a long sleeved sheer navy polka dotted blouse perfect for my new skinny black dress up pants and Vince Camuto 4.7 inch pumps which didn’t come in yet L

So guys Valentines is coming up and I have already made my plans. I’m getting a teeth cleaning and going to Bumble and Bumble for a 3pm model call to get my hair blown out for free.

Check out the new course map for my NYC ½ and please guys , please donate. Thanks!!!!!

http://www.nyrr.org/races/2012/nychalf/pdf/NYCHM12_Course_Map.pdf

I was going to post Matchbox 20’s Back to Good on here again, or a little Bizarre Love Triangle but I decided on this one it always reminds me of the Captain along with Case and Rasheem, so here’s a little Donell Jones, this song makes me cry every time:

I said I left my baby girl a message 
Sayin’ I won’t be coming home 
I’d rather be alone 
She doesn’t fully understand me 
That I’d rather leave than to cheat 
If she gives me some time 
I can be the man she needs 
But there’s a lot of lust inside of me 
And we’ve been together since our teenage years 
I really don’t mean to hurt her, but I need some time 
To be alone 

But when you love someone 
You just don’t treat them bad 
Oh, how I feel so sad 
Now that I wanna leave 
She’s crying her heart to me 
How could you let this be? 
I just need time to see 
Where I wanna be 
Where I wanna be… 

Sweet little dee-do-dee-dee… 
I don’t mean to hurt you, baby, oh, no, no… 

Never did I imagine 
That you would play a major part 
In a decision that’s so hard 
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go? 
I think about my life and what matters to me the most 
Girl, the love that we share is real 
But in time your heart will heal 
I’m not saying I’m gone 
But I have to find what life is like 
Without you 

Sweet little dee-do-dee-dee… 
I don’t mean to hurt you, baby 

See when you love someone 
You just don’t treat them bad 
Oh, how I feel so sad 
Now that I wanna leave 
She’s crying her heart to me 
How could you let this be? 
And I just need time to see 
Where I wanna be 

Where I wanna be…

Quick recap of my life lately.  My Le Creuset pot is still collecting water from the leak in my bathroom. I was called fat by a person who said he loved me, 21 slept over again, Diesel 10 told me he is not a fan of New York, I had sex with 26 and received mysterious texts from the Colombian today asking me how my car handled in the snow. Oh, I also forgot to mention a random ass facebook message regarding a legal question from my high school boyfriend, whom I also spoke with last week. He so nicely informed me that he “missed the boat” not with me, but with one of my friends. Awesome. (that was sarcastic).

As if all that wasn’t enough to cram into a week, it is also restaurant week, so how can I be that mad. So far I have been to L’Artusi (not part of restaurant week) X20 in Yonkers, a Peter Kelly, restaurant (have the kimchi appetizer) and tomorrow night Ca Va (Todd English).

I went to my father’s restaurant the other day between courts for a slice of pesto artichoke pizza. YUM! I was so excited about my Calabrese chile rock shrimp pasta I had at L’Artusi I was telling my nonna (grandma) about it. At first her eyes widened and I knew she assumed I went on a date. Then when I said we chose Italian on Chinese New Year she asked if he was Chinese? I kept talking and told my dad I maybe going to Hong Kong for a few days and grandmas expression turned to panic, then she asked (this is all in Italian) if he was married? I said “Na, whose he?” and then explained I was at dinner with a Chinese women. Anyway it was hysterical. So yes, I may be going to Hong Kong and he is a she, Chinese and single.

At dinner after a few glasses of wine and the best brussel sprouts ever. So good the next night at X20 I was still raving about them, (that’s how you know you are getting older when you speak about brussels sprouts and your friends share in your excitement) anyways after a few glasses of wine, my single, Chinese friend said something I would have thought was crazy a few years back. She said; that she wanted a boyfriend.

She explained she is always dressed appropriately, never walked out of the house frumpy, has a gym membership, well read, well educated, and well traveled. What gives? She asked. All I was thinking was “Is she seriously asking me?” Oh shit I think I want one too. It’s like we were talking about a pair of special Manolo’s or a coveted Chanel bag. Which, I might add is easier to find in NYC than finding a meaningful relationship. I seem to get boyfriends quickly lately, but as you can see my relationships aren’t really the kind she is looking for.

Wouldn’t it be funny if I met someone in Hong Kong?

What I am not doing quickly is running. I’m pretty behind in my marathon training and keep opting for strength training classes over the treadmill. Basically anything over the tread mill, I’ve been taking classes with names like ‘Bar and Ball,’ ‘Intensity’, ‘Triple Threat,’ ‘Power Pilates,’ anything to get me off that stupid treadmill. I even stretched with a Zumba class but couldn’t commit. Technically, I’m right smack in the middle of week 4 of the Team for Kids 11 week training plan and really need to kick my mileage up a notch. I’m supposed to be running 5x’s a week but man is it cold outside.

My bruised heel is finally feeling a little better and I think it is because I changed my sneakers, but I only squeezed two miles out last night because they are so new they need to be broken in.

What’s bizarre is that I wrote this paragraph before I met my pretty little Chinese friend for dinner. This week I realized I think I may want a boyfriend. Maybe I’m thinking this way because its restaurant week or maybe because it is cold outside and I have been incredible lazy and want to stay in bed all morning. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been out and about. I don’t know.

Foreshadowing huh?

I also wrote the following before I spent most of the day today in bed and not alone. I can’t tell once again if I’m running back to 26 because I am bored or because he threw me a bone. I am still pissed, extremely pissed and maybe I just want to hurt him back. Or maybe he is so disassociated and unattached with our situation he could care less. I am beginning to envy the fact that he can continue to hurt me and still have the balls to try and talk to me, when he knows dam well all I am waiting for is the truth. I’m even sick of writing about it.

We did talk and an awkward “well what would you have said if the I love you was for you?” I bit my tongue. There’s no need to even waste a second to ponder this because he made it abundantly clear it was not for me.

Sunday morning I woke up on top of 21, on a couch in a living room of a 3 bedroom apartment in Stuy town. I gathered myself and grabbed a cab to GCT. Had some time to kill so I bought a disgusting bagel at Zaro’s and a large Venti from the funniest barista ever. So funny I told him I was going to adopt him and take him to my local Starbs.  He’s from Far Rock he said it would never work. Anyways, as he handed me my drink, he read it off something like this “Melissa Venti, Sugar Free latte with Diary.” I looked up, way too cranky and hung over to argue over adding cow’s milk to my coffee and just laughed and he said “who says diary?” with this huge smile, more laughter and then he told me to have a good night. I was cracking up like a crazy person (in a dress, blazer and Kors knee high boots, not to be confused with the ‘others’ who roam around Grand Central at 10 am,) as I headed to the new Apple store to stand in line with all the tourists just so I could charge my phone.

I don’t even pretend to buy something anymore; I just find someone in blue and ask them where the best place to charge my phone is. Side bar, I’m in love with Seth Rogan. Chubby and now skinny, even hotter! Especially in a slim fitted suit, maybe even one of those 80’s skinny ties. I know I have said this before, but that movie makes me cry and I watched it twice on MLK day.

Back at the Apple store I made friends quick with two scary chicks from Pennsylvania to my left who thought the 4g Iphone was an Ipad and with two 10 year old Italian twins playing angry birds. I hate angry birds and I hate those ugly angry bird hats kids are walking around with. I can’t even write what I want to do when I see kids with those hats on their heads.

Took the train home and watched some football. Should we rewind?

Saturday night we tried to get into L’Artusi without reservations, I finally got 10:30 pm walk in reservations. I couldn’t wait, way too hungry so we headed to Pearl Oyster bar instead. Not disappointed, pretty good, totally different cuisine and atmosphere from L’Artusi.  Our goal is to try to get a table at L’Artusi around 8 on a weekday and maybe even a day when the Rangers are in town so I can stalk. Ok, well that’s my game plan.

So after our civilized dining experience we walked over to the Standard and then over to the meatpacking for some drinks. I did look up at the Gansevoort, maybe thinking Kourtney or Kim wanted to come down and check out my outfit. Then I texted 21. We were going to meet up but he then said he was meeting up with my ex and seeing that New Years went fine, I made a judgment call that placed me and the pretty Asian in a cab sometime around 12:30 am heading east.

Oh Chinatown! Last time I was at this particular bar was after my friend’s wedding two years ago, when I got lost inside Central Park, at night, with a huge ice cream from the Wafel and Dinges truck in my hand, feet killing me, trying to find a cab to head downtown to meet him. I showed up, in my gown after eating a lot of diary and met his ‘boys’ for the first time, after I politely ran to the bathroom.

The place is exactly how I remembered it, and their champagne still sucks. Everything was going great and I did not feel drunk at all, but then that weird haze came over me, sort of like New Years Eve and I coasted. I swear the only time I haven’t coasted lately and truly lived in the moment was in Germany. I remember everything perfectly (well except for maybe a few minutes in a bed in Berlin) but besides those few minutes everything.  I don’t know if it was just Germany or the company I was with. I coasted from about 1-3:30am lets say.

Then there were 3. In a cab, on the way to Stuy town. Three friends just joking around, everything was cool, nothing abnormal just three friends joking around in a cab. In my haze no idea how I brought up Book of Mormon or what we were even joking about, but I said something like “Wish I had a good boyfriend to take me to see Book of Mormon.”  Well apparently you shouldn’t say that when your ex is sitting to your right. I meant no disrespect, whatsoever. Maybe it came up on the TV in the cab, maybe I was thinking about the goalie for the NY Rangers and his mom going to see a matinee. I don’t know, but what ensued was nothing less than a disaster and if we were filming for our TV show this was definitely a Jersey Shore moment.

As I wrote the other day, my anger has been brewing. If there was ever a time for me to lose my temper it was at 4:45 early Sunday morning in the middle of  24^th and 1^st avenue. But I did not. I do not know how, I did not, I just did not. There comes a point when you are so angry you say nothing. There comes a point where saying nothing makes the greatest statement.

He said something so hurtful, so mean and vindictive it literally took my breath away. His eyes were cold and scary and it was said intentionally to spite me. The air was knocked out of my lungs similar to a few weeks ago when 26 told me he accidentally texted me “I love you text” and didn’t mean it.   Telling me you do not love me and telling me what I heard on the street somewhere in between Gramercy and the East Village are probably the only things that someone could say that would upset me.

When I’m going to stop getting hurt? Lately I don’t even see it coming and then BAM it hits me. Maybe I should have seen something. Earlier in the night we were all chatting and a girl’s name came up and how hot she was and of course I JOKINGLY said “have you seen this?” And almost instantaneous, not with the same intense look, but almost the same; but definitely less venom that was spawn at 4:45 am he said “she’s way hotter than you.” Wow, no offense taken, most of the free world is hotter than me, but seriously? It was the tone I was taken back by and the look that calculated almost malicious look.

 I’m so sorry, really sorry. We need to put this behind us. I thought of losing you and couldn’t sleep. I hope you know how I really feel; I think you know how I really feel.

Who are we talking about again? Same lines, different guy, totally different context. Same hurt.

Its Chinese New Year and out with the old in with the new and it’s probably a saying I should embrace and stop clinging to the hope that things will end well with 26 and I will finally know how he feels/felt blah blah blah because the truth is, Does it even matter?  All I hear is sorry lately and sorry means you did something wrong and I just do not want to be wronged anymore.

Sunday morning for the guys would have been another funny episode. The ex’s friend called him and all 4 of them got on a conference call, like how they used to BM (before me) to inquire about the whereabouts of their friend Jacket, “Westchester, Queens, Brooklyn?” neither, he decided to sleep in his car, with the it running and the window down in the middle of Queens on a very, cold January night. BM, before me. Hysterical because what drawn me to my ex was his friends and their lively personalities and I always thought that out of all the girlfriends that I was one that they liked, well one that they all kind of semi confided in. To hear that they have a BM and AM is weird to me and validates my whole theory that my ex lost himself when we were together. Anyways.

On Martin Luther King Day I woke up and 21 was not in my bed; he was on my couch.  I watched Knocked Up twice, followed by Sex in the City and the Kardashain show, what a great Monday. Sex in the Coty was hysterical; it was the Manolo Blahnik episode where Carries says, “When did life stop being fun and start being scary.” Even more hysterical and real was I was watching, I was searching the web for shoes, not Manolo’s but Camuto’s. The other day I saw a girl in a beautiful coat with at least 4 inch black Patent Leather Mary Janes on and she looked better than amazing. I never owned a pair of patent Mary Janes in my adult life and I think it is about time. I mean the Vince Camuto’s are 4.7 inches high! Anything that high is hot. For anyone interested in Manolo’s here is a link:

http://madisonavespy.blogspot.com/2012/01/manolos-now-50-off.html

Triple Fat burner Class 45 minutes

4 miles treadmill 43 minutes (intervals up to sprints 7.2!)

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543 Calories

In other news my Ireland book is in at Barnes and Noble and I should probably just pick it up even though I am not going this August. I took down all my Xmas stuff. One of Paul Rudd’s funniest lines in Knocked Up is when he compares and contrasts marriage with the TV Show Everybody Loves Raymond, my sister said and I quote “you have no morals for a professional woman” and lastly what I learned from Cortney and Kim take NY this week is, if your spouse or soon to be spouse hates and I repeat hates, your sister it is not going to work.

The last time he was here we were sitting at my concrete breakfast bar, which was still cold from the installation, drinking beer way too early on a Saturday morning. He wanted to open the Patron, I had to refrain.  If you have never been woken by an Irish contractor before, I suggest you try it. I hope he wears his vest.

I cannot wait to sleep in without hearing the loud continuous flushing of the toilet or use the bathroom without thinking that the water is going to shoot me up through the ceiling.

Yesterday I received an early morning email from my Pilates buddy wishing me a good morning and telling me that muscles he didn’t even know he had were sore. I hope the residents of NYC are all okay because he this Fireman said he tried to run up a set of stairs and it didn’t go so well. Great email but at 7 am all I could concentrate on was the flushing, so I left for the gym.

Ran 4 miles in a women’s only gym watching Let’s Make a Deal while listening to some good ole’ hardcore rap.  What’s wrong with Wayne Brady? He was funny in that improv show he had, Whose line is it anyway? Well I thought it was funny.  FYI if my kids want to go to college in California, no problem. Hysterical watching college kids dressed up as a rubix cube, a ballerina and a sumo wrestler to make some quick cash and get on TV. Totally something I would do, almost like my TV show on AU TV Spaghetti and Matzo Ball Soup. Dressed up in front of the Vice President’s house with a camera crew and a Joan Rivers for President Sign or filming wild deer on Rock Creek parkway before one of the them crashed into Matzo Ball’s car. Those are great VHS tapes.

Don’t judge me I drove across the street to the gym, it was cold and raining.

4 miles on the tread mill (began interval training)

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447.3 calories

The feeling in my foot is like the worse bruise ever. I should probably start web mding. I now can’t wait for the massage part of my pedicure, it’s like she feels my pain. I’m being forced to switch my sneakers already. I wanted at least another month out of my black Asics but I guess I should take my own advice and listen to my body and switch sneakers.

I came back home to another Victoria Secret Catalog, this time From Brazil with Love. Brazilian styled bikinis, no thanks. Forget the rest of the body; I don’t have the ass to fit into one of those. Those Brazilians love their string; why even wear a bottom at all?  But seriously, there were like 10 bathing suits I loved, Victoria’s Secret would make so much more money if they had a bathing suit store.  Like bras, you really need to try bathing suits on, unless, of course you are a women’s 34 C chest and size 24 waist or comparable perfect mens size, a 32 inch waist.

Brazil, that is another place my male bestie went that I would love to go to, but yet another place I cannot go by myself (just like Tailand and Peru). OMG do you think I will ever go to these places if don’t find someone to go with? Eh, I can’t worry like that because in the end I will probably go myself. Brazil, Machu Picchu, Argentina this can be one big trip, oh and Patagonia! I bet it’s doable in 2 weeks. Imagine the food and the hikes and the people.

Have you guys seen the Carnival cruise commercial where they are on the balcony of the cruise boat eating strawberries reminiscing about their previous vacation? They show the couple in their Saab in the middle of the woods being attacked by bears. It is so hysterical, especially when the husband panics and wants to throw all their food out the window. Anyways that was pretty hard to visualize, I tried hard to find it on the web for you but I could not.

Strangers. That’s how I felt today walking past 26. Like I didn’t exist. Never in my life has this ever happen to me. He didn’t even say hello; I was 3 feet in front of him, but yet I wasn’t there. It was miserable. I had to text him after. We didn’t accomplish anything. Is he still avoiding talking to me about ‘things’ or are there no ’things’ to talk about. I need closure already and he is not letting me have it and its making me even more mad. I told him we would be fake acquaintances, but I’m not fake. Definitely not friends. Not now, probably not ever.

I think I speak with almost all my exes even most of my long term hook ups. I mean not on a regular basis, but we are all on speaking terms, if I just so happened to bump into them on the subway, we would have stuff to talk about. He didn’t even say hello. Almost a year and nothing. Since November no conversation, since his mistake text, nothing.

This is a first for me too, hooking up with a guy for this long and not being his girlfriend; hooking up with a guy this long that has a girlfriend. 10 months and not even a hello.

My ex’s good friend even included me in a sushi egroup and I posted in on my Facebook page. And a guy that recently, mistaken texted me I love you, doesn’t say hello.

Wait, I’m wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I’ll be strong
I’m finding it hard to resist
So show me what I’m looking for

Save me, I’m lost
Oh, Lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for, oh, Lord

Don’t let go
I’ve wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I’ve learned to love abuse
Please show me what I’m looking for

Save me, I’m lost
Oh, Lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for, oh, lord

Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for

Save me, I’m lost
Oh, Lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I’m wrong
I can’t do better than this
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for, oh, Lord

I already know what I’m wearing tomorrow night, I feel like I haven’t been out in civilization forever. I cannot wait to sit down at the dinner table and be a human. So excited, almost wore inappropriate patterned fishnet like stockings to work today. The dress I’m wearing will look even better in the spring/fall with a long necklace and my new Chloe’s, which I am scared to wear because (1) I am scared to lose them and (2) scared they are the wrong season. I mean in US Mag people are wearing them now but those celebs are being photographed in places like Florida and Hawaii.

Worried that the Chloe’s’ are too summery, I took a risk and paired them with my yellow quilted Banana Coat, circa 2001 (classic vintage) the Colombian ex purchased. After a few hours of sporting them, I thought they would look pretty good with my brown leather; my other brown leather the Jewish ex bought me and OMG my new Uggs.  I can make these glasses work. It’s also a whole new shape for me. I’ve been thinking that I may have left the Versace’s at the nail salon last week; imagine if they have been there the whole time.

I don’t know when this happened, but it did finally and I love it

http://www.loehmanns.com/

You know what else I love? My car. Well yes the handling is fab but so is the music, when’s the last time you heard Paper Boy’s, Do the Ditty or K7’s, Come, Baby Come?

Sorry to push my agenda but it is my blog and you are reading it, soooo please $5, $10 $20 $50 $100 more, anything you can for my ½ Marathon Goal.

http://www.runwithtfk.org/Member/Find

Official ING NYC Marathon Sneaks with Course Map

Who needs an alarm clock when you have my toilet? Now you can shut off the water and the thing still runs.  I need a plumber so bad. Now the actual new water valve we put in 2 years ago is leaking and of course I only found out about the leak because of the ever flushing toilet I have.

My Chloe’s have arrived and they are awesome; but very summery. They are boho/hipster.  Picture Sienna Miller in a flowy top, skinny jeans and wooden heeled sandals. Too bad I’m not 100 pounds and look prego in flowy peasant tops.

Yesterday I made it to the gym by 4:15, awesome because it is not incredibly packed, not so awesome because the whole gym is full of teachers who gossip in the locker room, talk the whole time they are walking on the treadmill and continue to talk while getting ready for class. They all have woe is me stories about their class rooms, their reports due, their fellow teachers. My mother is a NYC teacher (special ed) and I love teachers (and I see how hard my mom works) but I don’t want to hear it at the gym when I have less than 2 hours before I have to go back to work and I especially do not want to see your writing cubes and you stressing over colorful posters you are getting printed for your bulletin boards at Staples when I am trying to copy an entire custody file to deliver within 2 hours to the court. I have to be honest the whole summers off thing still gets me.

At the gym I recruited an old friend and non teacher to take Pilates with me. The ‘animal’ is back at the gym teaching and she is fierce. 60 minutes straight, nonstop, core exercises. Way better than any 20 minute abs class; that’s for amateurs. Woke up and my abs were fine, I just couldn’t move my hips. Some people say they have more upper body strength then lower body or vice versa. I have absolutely no strength in my hips, which is funny because this senior frat boy my freshman year told me I had perfect hips for breeding.

3 Miles on the treadmill 320 Calories

60 minutes Pilates Class 227 Calories

_______________________________

Total 92 minutes 547

I haven’t seen this guy in years, and I made him take Pilates with me. He already said he was sore after his P90X workout the night before. Oops, also funny is how I told him to go do the stairs with me because that is a great cardio workout and he turned that down, politely and said he does enough of that at work.  Ha! Totally forgot he is a fireman.

We talked about the old neighborhood and how most of the guys that went away to college came back and are cops, firemen or electricians. Funny, but so true. I’m just glad at some got out and experienced something other than Yonkers before coming back. I wonder if any are plumbers.

I had to skip the gym tonight, I got out of work way too late and I still can’t move my hips.

My aunt is out of the hospital and I still haven’t seen her since she has been home. Work has just taken over this week. I am very excited about this weekend, no big plans, possibly trying a new restaurant, no commitments, just a little chill time and maybe If I’m good some cold champagne.  My new favorite hobby is following celebrities on Twitter and jotting down all the restaurants they frequent. Then I call my foodie friends to discuss and ultimately make reservations. We got blocked out from my first choice for this Saturday, L’Artusi where Brandon Prust just dined.

There are popcorn kernels everywhere. I said I wasn’t going to eat popcorn until this weekend, but I lied. My sister came over last night and I made Tilapia and spinach but also had popcorn. I didn’t pop it though. She actually brought over her favorite, some butter lover’s movie theater crap. Yea, I ate a bag; there goes the 547 cals I shed plus some. And tonight after my healthy salmon and broccoli I’m having some fresh popped corn and watching the Yankees. And why is everything German lately?  I have German mustard in my refrigerator ‘organic’ German. The only time I have ever had mustard is down south or in the Midwest or Canada when you order fast food and they put mustard and ketchup on your burger together. And that doesn’t even count because you can’t even taste the mustard masked in the ketchup. But getting back to German, yesterday I had to drop something off at my partner’s house and right at his corner there is a beer distributor called “Berlin brews” seriously how have I never seen this before?

Diesel 10 is back at work and back into his life.   I had a long talk with long haired, music guy tonight. He said I was nuts, but in the past 2 years he has noticed I am not as nuts as the rest of them (women). He told me he is not good at relationships, that he is selfish that he doesn’t want to compromise. He likes to sit outside and listen to his music, smoking his cigarettes and not have someone constantly want him to be by their side. He said it’s about compromise and trust. The trust he is good at the compromise he is not. He said he likes to be alone.  I stood there and listened. He then asked what my deal was. My deal? Who knows? Who needs Whole Foods therapy I could just go downstairs and seek help?

My deal? I trust, then they disappoint. I rarely fall in love. I feel smothered often and run for the hills. Sometimes I want to run to someone and just snuggle for a minute. When they hurt me I make sure they hurt worse. Who needs a deal?

Some of you do not know this but I have a temper and it has been at bay for years and years and lately I see it coming back. Example, the other night on the phone I was in a very heated exchange with someone, to the point when I screamed so loudly my body was shaking, I hung up and threw my phone breaking my new case. Or today when I slammed my fist down on my desk so hard a screw fell out of the desk drawer. Anyways my favorite songs may tell a bit about my thoughts on relationships.

Pearl Jam – Black-

I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life, I know you’ll be a star
In somebody else’s sky, but why, why, why
Can’t it be, can’t it be mine

Say Goodbye – Dave Matthews Band

Ah girl, ah just tonight run away
Yeah, with me for an evening
Ah, just wait and see
But then tomorrow go back to your man
I’m back to my world
And we’re back to being friends

Sweet Melissa- The Allman Brothers

Crossroads … seem to come and go … yeah
The gypsy flies from coast to coast
Knowing many, loving none
Bearing sorrow, havin’ fun
But back home he’ll always run … to Sweet Melissa

Maybe that is a little insight into my bizarre relationship history. Talking about my history, I went to see my old bagel guys today. There was so much going on in there, I had a mini anxiety attack in front of the make your own salad counter and had to leave. I literally said hi to the guys chatted for a minute and I couldn’t even order my L.E.O (Lox eggs and onion on a whole wheat wrap) there were Jr high kids everywhere. They must have their lunch hour later this year. I escaped to Starbucks ad took comfort in my Venti latte. I laugh every time I hear some guy say “I’ll take the blonde.”  Have you guys tried it?

I do wonder if he is happy. I wonder if they are having sex. I wonder if his conscious is clearer these days. If his days are less busy without dealing with both of us. I wonder if he thinks of me. I wonder more about what he thinks of me.

MatchBox 20- Back to Good

It’s nothing, It’s so normal 
You just stand there
I could say so much,
But I don’t go there cuz I don’t want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about somebody else
It’s best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn’t tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do,
But I’m lonely now, and I don’t know how
To get it back to good

This don’t mean that, you own me
This ain’t no good, in fact it’s phony as hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you don’t know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I’m going to do

And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like they do
It’s best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn’t tell, why everyone here was doing me like they do
But I’m sorry now, and I don’t know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, is wondering what it’s like to be with somebody else
Everyone here’s to blame
Everyone here gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain
Everyone here hides shades of shame
But looking inside we’re the same, we’re the same
And we’re all grown now,
But we don’t know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here
Knows everyone here is thinking ’bout somebody else
It’s best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldn’t tell
If anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it’s over now,
And I don’t know how,
It’s over now,
There’s no getting back to good

They had this special on the news today that NYC has less than 1% occupancy on rentals and rent has increased since 2010. The average price of a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan is $3,309 a month. Seriously this is insane, no one has jobs my friends with jobs can’t pay their rent and it’s nowhere near $3,000 @ month and every year we are more and more people trying to move into the city and begin their lives. They said in high demand areas like the West Village and Chelsea with 3G’s you can only get a studio. On the other hand in Harlem you can get a 4 bedroom for $3G’s. One reason why the prices are so high are that mortgages are so hard to obtain and people need a place to lie so landlords know this, within 7 days most apartments in Manhattan are rented. So if you find one you better jump on it, if you are insane. Even making $100,000 $3,000 a month is steep. Just move to Westchester or the boroughs.

Following they had a story about rush hour on the subway and riders having to go up 6 flights of stairs during the morning commute  7 elevators are out on 53^rd and Lexington and one of the elevators has been out  of service for more than 5 years. What’s the problem here? We need to get to work to make money to pay these ridiculous rents. We try and take the subway and not clog the streets and you raise are subway fare. Meanwhile, we have rappers who live in Westchester using city hospitals and redoing a whole floor into a penthouse so they can deliver a baby and leave in 2 days. Only in New York.

I’ll leave you with Howard Jones Jones I bet if you look it you YouTube it you’ll remember it.

You can look at the menu but you just can’t eat
You can feel the cushions but you can’t have a seat
You can dip your foot in the pool but you can’t have a swim
You can feel the punishment but you can’t commit the sin
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
You can build a mansion but you just can’t live in it
You’re the fastest runner but you’re not allowed to win
Some break the rules
And live to count the cost
The insecurity is the thing that won’t get lost
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
You can see the summit but you can’t reach it
It’s the last piece of the puzzle but you just can’t make it fit
Doctor says you’re cured but you still feel the pain
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame – Howard Jones

I cannot complain I haven’t had a date because yesterday I had a lunch date, sort of. This guy has asked me out for the past 2 years and I always say no,

TAI FOOD LEFT OVER

and yesterday I said why not? He’s older and by older, I do not mean 40. We had Tai food, I ordered shrimp pad tai and prayed I wouldn’t get diarrhea for my afternoon case. He ordered shrimp as well. Did he think I was going to share?

He was a wrestler apparently because now he coaches at the local high school. He has been practicing a long time, we exchanged some funny stories and at first I thought maybe it would be fine to date a lawyer but it would have to be a lawyer like what we do, litigation involving human beings, and not the corporate type. If I had to hear about mergers and acquisitions, or personal injury verdict awards I would go crazy. At least with a financial guy I have no clue at all what they are talking about and I still find it intriguing.

We talked about family, marriage, divorce (he is) I talked about my soupies, the city. He asked where I went to school, where I grew up and he said, oh wow so you are really a city girl. I laughed I am not from NYC and never claim to be, 11 miles outside the city is close enough and those 11 miles make my city friends think I am from upstate; they have no idea. Doing work in Westchester and the boroughs I cannot tell you how different it is and how everyone treats you differently depending on where you are from. So imagine going to a real ‘upstate’ court.  It’s all funny to me because people from NYC think where I live is upstate, lol.

Anyways, my aunt is in the hospital and we don’t really know why. I’m about a semester shy of taking my medical boards. Walking in and smelling the sanitizer takes me back to a place I rather never think about. A place where my best friend should only be going for her prenatal appointments and to deliver her baby girl. This week starts her husband’s 6 months hospital journey. And once again I ask that you keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

If you make it to the gym you should be commended and if you make it and you only have a short time, make the most out of it. I would suggest checking the class schedule you can take a 45 minute spin class or a 1 hour toning class and feel great after.

5 minute stretch warm up

9 minute mile

10 minute rowing machine

60 min kick boxing class

________________________

1 hour 24 minutes (No idea how many calories I burned, my battery is still not working)

Tuesday morning I woke up in a panic, “how am I going to fit my bike in my car” I must have been dreaming about my happy place. The Hamptons. No, I did not get the infamous bike back from the ex I have been using the one my mom’s friend left at our house when she moved to the city.

In the Hamptons I do not drive anywhere except to give people tours or to go to dinner in Sag Harbor. I bike everywhere. I bike to and from the beach. I bike to Starbucks. I drive my mother to the beach, and then bike to the beach to meet her, then bike home to get the car, then bike back to get her. I bike over that mile bridge with a huge smile, I ride over that bridge like it’s my job; it’s my only job while I am there and I love every single minute.

The beach is $20.00 and the South Hampton Village beach is $40.00 a car and since I am not really a resident, I’m a renter, we are not privy to resident parking. So I bike. I bike, even if I take a car load of peeps and it’s only a few bucks each. I stay at the beach all day, sometimes I run on the beach during the day. Then usually before dinner (amazing restaurants) I bike or run down near the dunes, then shower outdoor and head to dinner around 9. It is totally awesome. By 11 you are at a quaint bar, or dancing the night away, or chilling on the back porch or eating ice-cream at my favorite ice cream shop in Sag. Life doesn’t get any better. There’s outlet shopping, bungee jumping, horseback riding, golf, wineries, Indian reservations, people watching, hiking trails, camp grounds, light houses, Montauk whatever your little  heart desires.

I ran my first 13.6 miles in the Hamptons; remember my mother called the police on me on my 32 birthday! I ran the same path I biked the day before, but biking and running 13.6 miles very different.

After a monstrous morning I get to my desk to find an email from my lunch date.  Email read “enjoyed lunch yesterday.” Yea, that’s all I have to say about that.

Can you believe I already have court dates in June? Since Dublin is off the table I’m thinking about booking 2 weeks in the Hamptons house again and of course, you know who I want to ask to come with.

The Rangers are really seeing the ice finally and setting up plays! I don’t know if it’s the lines or what but something finally clicked and they are bringing their A game every night and it is very exciting to watch.

I’m not at the gym tonight because I was about to sneak out and we had a ton of clients walk in hence why I am home. My aunt is still in the hospital and I’m going to try and sneak over at break tomorrow between my 7 morning cases and my afternoon hearing. Trust me I rather watch the soupies but this week is hell.

I refuse to eat popcorn till at least Sunday and really wish I had more guacamole. I am pleased to announce that I am getting donations from friends, lawyers, court officers and even the guy next to me at the office! My lunch date even contributed lol. Whatever I can do for the Kids, right?

I received a new Victoria’s Secret catalog to the office today. Are they stalking me? I was going to throw it right out but of course decided to thumb through it. I really do not need anymore underwear that say “I go all night” “all I want is everything” or my personal favorite “86″ Do you know they have a memory fit bra? Like memory form pillow? Weird right?  I mean every bra fits different and most women buy the same bra just in different colors etc, but do you go so far as to buy a memory fit bra?

I wore this pair of pants today, that when I bought them I hated. I thought they made me look dumpy.  You know how Banana Republic names their pants; well these are Martin Fit trousers. Now, the minute I put them on, I feel fab and instead of dumpy I feel like my hips and ass look great. If I purchase anything soon, it will be more of these pants. I have going out clothes and suits, I have no business casual clothes. I want to try and dress more sophisticated on my days not in court, and not just run to the office in my sweats

Did I tell you I bought Chloe glasses on a Groupon? My Chanels were lost in Germany and they were fairly new and I LOVED those ugh still so mad over those (I do not lose things) and I’ve been using my old Versace’s ever since, and now I can’t find them.

Well, I did, I bought Chloe’s and they shipped already so let’s see. There were $390.00, then $295.00 then on Groupon $99.00 and I had a $50.00 gift card (thanks to my sister) so do the math. Take that Courtney Kardashsian!

Check out these for spring/summer. They will go great with my new sunglasses.

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-persh-sandal-nordstrom-exclusive/3211908?origin=category&resultback=160

Hot right? What is my obsession with Vince Camutos? And nachos I love nachos. Maybe tomorrow after I run my anticipated 5 miles I will eat wheat chips with veggie meat and soy cheese and fresh chopped up tomato salsa. Yum.

So it’s been a while and nothing from 26, except stupid running emails that I am mostly sending out and a call about work.  I feel like Facebook is throwing it in my face. Sort of got nasty on one of his Facebook check ins today, I know I should grow up but seriously I had to. So, I did.

Possible Title for our TV Show “Social Distortion Story of our lives”
Good times come and good times go,
I only wish the good times would last a little longer.
I think about the good times we had and why they had to end.

So I sit at the edge of my bed,
I strum my guitar and I sing an Outlaw love song.
Thinkin’ bout what you’re doin’ now and when you’re comin’ back.

Life goes by so fast, you only want to do what you think is right.
Close your eyes and then it’s past – story of my life.

Story of my life.

Who am I kidding I am not a Knicks fan. I didn’t even know Bibby was on the Knicks. I know more about Mike Bibby than I do about the whole Knicks team.

I cooked at home solo on a Saturday night, tilapia (fresh whole deal from WF’s) in a ginger soy miso sauce and a side of veggies I put on top of the fish to add to the presentation. Looked pretty, I should have taken a picture. It also tasted pretty good, I’ll let you in on a secret, there was no white wine sautéing with some miso, lemon, ginger and whatever else you might simmer and boil in a sauce pan. I dunked fresh tilapia in a bowl of ginger soy miso salad dressing then put away my other groceries, and I think cooked it in a sauce pan. I’m not too sure what a sauce pan even looks like, but I think that is what I used.

I also finished a whole tub of fresh guacamole and salsa after the tilapia, thwarting my efforts of healthy eating.

I watched 2 men Zumba waiting for my class to start. One of the guys is about mid 40’s and pretty attractive, he is usually in my boxing class, I would have never thought he would Zumba, but he did. I feel Zumba teachers, besides having their own style either have an African, a Middle Eastern or a Spanish influence. And once you Zumba you will get what I mean.

Our club strength trainer was sick so Pam (Ms. Zumba) taught our class and she was surprisingly hard. Instead of the usual instructor who makes us do a lot of reps Pam made us do a lot of work with heavy weights on the dumbbell and concentrated on balance, legs and core. We also did some great triceps and abs moves that I never did before.

Pam is a very spiritual person, she exudes positive energy. During the class she randomly raises her hands in salutation telling you that every day is a good day because you are alive. She continuously tells you to be happy because you are here and healthy and beautiful. She makes us repeat that we are beautiful, the guys are kind of shy but they even feel her positive energy. She said today be happy you have 2 breasts and 10 toes because many do not. Then she told us to go eat a good protein lunch and not starve on carrots or order Chinese food and get diarrhea. She cracks me up with her Caribbean accent; she must be in her late 50’s and ripped.

Her music was a lot of techno dance Celine Dion, including that Titanic Song and Drive All Night which I do not mind, but then she ended with NSYNC tearing up my heart? I swear it was a medley of music from strong positive women, and then we stretched with NYSYC.

My heart rate monitor battery died half way through so my guesstimate:

Day 6

Club Strength 60 minutes

______________________

Cal 240

Drying at the nail salon the girls noticed my hair cut and I think they hate it. I mean it is the same just shorter, a lot shorter. I made a comment to the nail girl, its just hair it will grow and the lady drying across from me said don’t complain about your hair mine all fell out and now it’s just growing back. I felt so bad. The women to my right probably feeling my discomfort started asking me about my phone. She didn’t know what it was because it is disguised in my bedazzled case. She was 86. I could not believe it! I mean I was literally staring at her face; we should all look like her at 65 let alone 85.

Told her I was thinking about either a Nook or an IPAD and how I would love my magazine and books in one place and she started telling me how she is an avid reader and lives across from the library and still enjoys a good book. I actually used my hair colorists’ Nook yesterday and loved how the magazines were actually laid out like the physical copy, stupid question but is the IPAD layout the same? And can you subscribe to books and mags on the IPAD?

Then she began telling me about this book “Prey” by this author is has read before. The book is about a guy and a girl rivals on farms in Montana running day trips to show people how to hunt, well she takes out a killer once and she encounters a black bear but ultimately her and her rival get it on, and my 86 year old friend said she had to skip 2 pages because it was so descriptive like she was in the bed with them. She said the author must have had some sex life. I almost fell off my chair.

It got better she told me about her sex life, she met her late boyfriend when she was 74 and they dated for over 10 years until he died last year and they were very ‘active.’ She talked to me about Michael Savage’s radio show Savage Nation and his views on sex and then we got into Sex in the City and how much she enjoys that show and how she feels that is so tastefully done and how Sarah Jessica is not pretty and bull legged but somehow pulls it off.

Then I somehow mentioned how old I was and she thought I was a lot younger and told me I had to get married and have children. Which led to a whole bizarre conversation about divorce and how her neighbor with a 3 years old, only married 4 years wants a divorce and how it’s good I am waiting for husband to have children; but I felt like she was sad I wasn’t married. I’m not good at math but her youngest daughter is 50 which means she had a baby at 36 (back then) so maybe there is still hope for me! My nails were more than dry and I think the conversation also dried up my remaining eggs.

I rejoice in small victories, the day after Xmas my sister and I both bought the same pair of jeans at the Gap Outlet in Jersey for $18.00. I bought a Size 6 Gap and my sister a 2! FYI Gap changed the way they tag their clothing, on all pants they are putting the actual women’s size first and then the waist size. So do not think it is the length hat is still regular, ankle, long or short.

My sister the size 2 hates exercise, never exercises eats carbs and dairy likes it’s her job. But she is very much into healthy food and an expert on probiotics. If, just if she did 50 sits ups 3xs a week she would have the sickest abs ever. I’ll never know that feeling. My mom too, she can do 45 minutes on a treadmill or elliptical for a few months and drop 20 something pounds. Me, I have to run marathons and still not lose a pound.

The Bestie woke up in Queens again Saturday for the second weekend in a row and I love it.

My Sunday was high anxiety. I’m already super stressed that I may not raise enough money for Team for Kids and I won’t be able to run.  Some of the stress may also be because this week at work just really sucks. Tomorrow I have a trial, Tuesday a hearing, Wednesday 5 morning cases and an afternoon hearing, Thursday an Inquest and Friday 3 morning cases and an afternoon exceptional circumstance hearing. I usual love in court time, but tomorrow’s case I am dreading. I probably won’t sleep tonight.

I’m watching way too much Keeping up with the Kardashians I actually want a golden headband and a shoulder padded blazer. I already have two shoulder padded satin shirts (one that was in a movie Diesel 10 can vouch to that).  Anyways, I realized that my weird Kris Humphries obsession may be because he sort of looks like BC and he loves peanut butter chocolate ice cream. Thoughts?? I may still have some pics of him on my Facbook, think January 2009-February 2010.

The other thing on the show is that they eat at pretty shitty restaurants, is it because the really good restaurants do not want to the cameras? And she thinks she can coupon? God, I save more than $7.00 every time I go to the grocery store, I mean I don’t even pay at CVS anymore. Oh and they do not travel with wallets only their cell phone, but now she carries coupons around? Seriously?

When you call your spouse or boyfriend annoying at least 20 times in an episode it’s probably not going to work out. I mean how many times did I call my ex annoying? Wasn’t Kim banging an Australian months ago, I feel like she was way more into him than her husband; I think she may have even shed tears when his visa expired. And poor Courtney is so bored with her life, more excited about double coupon afternoons then sleeping in the same bed with her boyfriend, just let the girl coupon!

Maybe I should of went to see Dubinsky, Lundquist and Callahan today to relieve some of my stress but I rather pay them $50.00 to do a little more than sign a piece of paper.

As I sit here doing trial prep and watching the Khardashians, eating pita chips and salsa fresco. Once again my day of healthy eating:  breakfast, a small yogurt and tuna (carb and protein) an egg, spinach and onion omelet (brunch with the girls) and a small latte is ruined by finishing the rest of the Stacey’s whole wheat pita chips (the fresh guac is gone).

I also like the look at halters and skinnies, I have not bought new clothes or shoes in a while and I definitely want to wait for spring or some occasions but I did wear one of my new lace bras today and I couldn’t wait to take it off. I literally ran to my apartment from the elevator bank, to rip if off me. It’s amazing fuchsia pink and deep purple all lace and this am I couldn’t wait to show it to someone; anyone and tonight I wanted to burn it. I should have paired it with its matching undies and rode the subway, since today was “no pants day” in NYC.

My marathon training starts tomorrow in the midst of all my work craziness and my aunt’s admission into the hospital. With all this going on in my life, my worry about my godson my worry about Diesel 10 my worry about my best friends husband; I am kind of bored. I want to dress up and date. I think I would be good at dates. I told Diesel 10 I was bad at ‘dates’ (meaning the number) and he responded “me too” I want to believe he meant he is bad with ‘dates’ too; but I know he is talking about the numbers. Ugh I hate Facebook, while I was brunching with the girls I think he had a morning date.

Day 4 was supposed to be a good day, but it sucked. Work sucked, the morning sucked, traffic sucked, the office sucked, the copier broke everything sucked. I found out Dublin was cancelled and seriously I just wanted to leave work and hide.  Why didn’t I just become a shrink?

Diesel 10 also told me I was strange today. Ha! Maybe I need a shrink? No, I have you guys!

Well so long Dublin, hello Canada. I transferred my entrance fee to the Montreal ½, I figured that’s a quick weekend trip, I can go to the casino, visit some family, eat really well and party it up a little before heading home.

Last week when I found out I didn’t get into the lottery for the NYC ½ I was so upset and had no one to call. No one that would care; no one that would really understand. (The male Bestie aka Kenyan marathon finisher was in Nicaragua) Late that evening it was still really bothering me, so I called my mother and cried. I cried like a baby for not getting into a race; a race that entry was based on a FN lottery.

A few days later I overheard my mother telling her friend that she rather hear her 32 year old daughter cry over not getting into a race than her friends crying about their 32 year old daughter’s husbands’ infidelities.  True story mom!

The day did get better around 4 pm when I got an email asking me if I wanted 2 tickets to the Rangers game…. Answer YES! And it was an amazing game. Me and Red went and what a game! The first time I ever saw cracked glass up close, a huge overtime win. We had 8^th row tickets and made the Jumbotron (it’s pretty easy to get on TV when Red is friends with the camera guy and the producerJ).

Let’s discuss women’s fashion at sporting events, please. Why is the look either Butch or Hoe? Seriously its either women donning ill fitting men’s jerseys (not flattering!!!) or women who scream I just bought this at Victoria Secret at lunch because I am on a date.

I will admit I have a Yankees V-neck from Victoria Secret BUT have you seen their NFL http://www.victoriassecret.com/ss/Satellite?ProductID=1265678223250&c=Page&cid=1265692306020&pagename=vsdWrapper&search=true collection. Is this necessary? Do you want to see a Giants hoody with a rhinestone helmet? Nauseating. But still worse is all the pink, and I don’t mean the Victoria Secret Trademark PINK.

For all you pink jersey wearing women. There are NO professional sports teams that have pink as one of their team colors. If you are over ten (clarification if you wear a 2T that’s a toddler, size 2 and above) you should not wear pink hats, pink T’s and definitely not pink jerseys. I understand that professional sports teams wear pink accessories during breast cancer awareness month and that a percentage of everything you buy that is pink goes to breast cancer research, I get it. I have a fuchsia Yankees sweatband.  But please no pink when there are women’s form fitting jersey’s out there, there are tons of cute T-shirts, Target, TJ Max, Marshalls, Sports Authority, Dicks, Modell’s, Old Navy, even Alyssa Milano has her own line of women’s fan gear. Check it out http://www.fandalia.com/

If you still feel the need to wear pink accessories, then fine, and to specify accessories I mean visors, hats, maybe an IPhone case, I do not mean purses. Pink purses or any purse with a team logo on it are not allowed, ever.

Not that I got that off my chest, I did not wear my new winter classic Callahan V-neck last night, I chose instead my new kids sized Rangers jersey with jeggings and my new Uggs that do not look like Uggs. Wearing last year’s jeans, leggings or jeggings is acceptable at games. Do not wear heels unless you are coming straight from work or an attendee at some event at the Garden. At Yankee Stadium or at the New Meadowlands heels are never allowed.  I did rock a sweet Blazer last year to the opening game at the new Meadowlands, but I had a vintage Jets shirt on and our seats were 4^th row end zone.

Do not misunderstand me, I do not hate pink (take a look at my phone) I just hate pink on women during sporting events.

I also got my Xmas present from my partner, well his wife. Bye, bye yellow clearance tag $7.97 Target Gym bag and hello LULULEMON Arabesque bag! I mean I already have a Benz and a Premier Lord and Taylor Card, and Scarsdale is my home gym, all I’m missing is a seer sucker wearing husband and some kids.

Needless to say the Rangers game trumped Day 4 at the gym. Don’t worry I still rewarded myself with a haircut which is once again Steve Perry meets Jennifer Aniston. I was going to chop it all and get a long graduated bob, ironically enough this is Jennifer Aniston’s new look, but Kitty my colorist said no way and Katrina my stylist said my bangs weren’t long enough yet. So what did I do? I cut 3 inches off and framed my face. The same cut I get every, single time, but even shorter this time. I’m so upset with myself I should of just kept it long everyone said it was looking so good lately, even Kitty commented when I walked, she said my hair looked the best ever , except for the grays! So yet another FAIL.

Bumble and Bumble had the best mix of music today Groove Theory’s Tell me, The Pussy Cat Dolls – Loosen Up My Bottoms, Kids by MGMT, and Common’s – The Light. Awesome.

And I had a surprise guess. She walked in asked the reception lady where I was and she came right up to color and we had a great visit.  We had a great visit despite her new reality, which I would never believe if you told me this 2 months ago.  I couldn’t imagine in a million years what Diesel 10 was going through, but he was sleeping during most of it.

And while he was sleeping, she was constantly calling me to see how I was doing, to see how Diesel 10 was doing and we had no clue that her husband was sick. So sick. She was one of the few people I spoke with on my drives to and from PA. I remember distinctly one night at the Best Western, I spoke with her and she told me she made her husband go get his pain in his back checked out.

A newlywed couple in their 30’s expecting their first child is a challenge in itself and once again I cannot fathom the news I am being told.

She was my first friend in college. She is responsible for intruding me to the Kenyan Bestie, and to my Kirky. All the nights she let me “credit card key” into her apartment when she was sleeping out, or when I just needed a place to crash in NYC. She is also responsible for waking me up super early on Sunday mornings to listen to her crazy tales of awesome NYC nights; and I envied her. These early phone calls sometimes still occur. The girl rarely sleeps passed 8 am. Her ability to party and get up for work the next morning, her energy, and her appetite was a true skill.

She ate out every day almost every meal and never gained a pound. She loves candy and her father is a dentist. We lived together one summer and the joke goes, she ate, I gained.

I’ll never forget her barging into our dorm meeting on the 4^th floor of Anderson Hall in her tight black pants and mini Sprint phone around her wrist. She sat down right next to me while the RA was speaking and asked me where I was going after the meeting. It was a Tuesday; probably late August of 1997, I just turned 18 and apparently AU’s night to party. From that day on we were best friends. She got me home when I was roofied. I had her boyfriend stay in my room when she was with someone else, she introduced me to all you can eat sushi and made me eat all of the rice, and she introduced me to Neiman Marcus and Kate Spade and Prada. She is a terrible driver but drove us everywhere. We once drove to Virginia for Krispy Kreme donuts and bought 3 dozen we ate a dozen driving back because she said we needed to eat them warm. She used to have a mobile family plan because she would lose her cell phone so often. If she called you in the morning from her 347 number you know it was a wild night.

She kept Kosher until she lived with two Italians and now she loves prosciutto and is a calamari connoisseur. She has come to Christmas Eve at my parents; I have been to her temple. Her parents are amazing and so are her brother and sister and their love and support will guide her through this.

She has a tough road ahead of her. There were times I never thought she would stop drinking, our friends wanted me to lead an intervention; and then she met him. They met at an AU alumni function during March madness; she came to meet me and BC. I never thought she would settle down with him so quickly. I remember her birthday party in June a few years back, I looked at the Bestie and said this is it he is leaving. But he stayed.

It is true. He completes her. What guy would research purses, get on a waiting list for one and insure it? He would. Just two weeks ago she took me to a Rangers game and her husband texted. It was the sweetest text I have ever seen her receive. Maybe one of the sweetest texts ever. Her face lit up so bright, she was so giddy and I thought WOW is this newlywed bliss or what? This is love. He is always that sweet to her, and she deserves it. She is a good person with a huge heart. A huge heart that a lot of people do not see. A huge heart covered in Theory and Chanel.

He has calmed her wild ways and even now, with the news so fresh and confusing he is comforting her, he is making sure that she is okay. He is still making moves and planning their future and refuses to miss a day of work. I know in a few weeks when he is at his weakest she will be strong for him, like we know she can. Strong for the baby girl she is carrying. The Balenciaga cross body bag and Barneys must wait I told her.

I just got off the phone with the Kenyan Bestie and we praised her poise and grace so far in this unthinkable dilemma she is facing. We must pray that in yet another tragedy comes triumph once more.

Needless to say there was no gym time Day 5 either.

With all this I am reminded that I have good people in my life. A great family and the best friends I could ever ask for. Someone sort of poked fun of me the other day and said since I am older than 10, I cannot have a best friend. But he is wrong; I am blessed to have many.

Maybe 26 does not know what true friendship is like me, I take friendship very seriously as I take most things in life and what we had he was not serious about. He used me for exercise, (that’s a new one) he used me for sex and he used me for friendship. This will be the hardest to forgive. I think he used me for all the things he wasn’t getting from her, especially the friendship that he lacked in his own relationship.

Today was actually a beautiful morning, would if been a great day to run. I met another neighbor today her sons name is Mathias, the Spanish version of my Mateo. She asked if I ever hear him cry, I said never. Oh God I wonder if she could hear me? Thank God the only things going on in my bedroom are high thread counts and a comfy down alternative comforter. J Holiday’s Take You to Bed, comes to my mind, partly because I am a horn dog but I also heard it in the Post office today, seductive lyrics for the Tuckahoe postal employees.

Book of Mormon tickets are on my wish list.  In 2 days the Kenyan Bestie and Henrik Lundqvist both went to see it and both said the exact same thing: hysterical. A Tuesday matinee is $179.00 so I guess I will have to wait short while. But you know me if it’s in my head I want it, so next decent pay day I’m buying two tickets. 5 stars, cursing on Broadway, collaboration from the creators of South Park, religious satire. My type of Broadway!

BUCKCHERRY Sorry

Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren’t the same

Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die

I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue, I’m sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back

I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I’m sorry:

This time I think I’m to blame it’s harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it’s never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry!

Pulling into my parking space I got a call from the Bestie who just got back from a dream vacation in Nicaragua. He was telling me about his lost luggage, how he landed in a small village airport and took a teeny, tiny ferry that he compared to a Somailian fishing boat (insert creaky, sinking engine noise here) for an hour in a half and followed by a 2 hour off road adventure in his rented pickup truck to his final destination; a little cabana in total seclusion from the rest of the world. Ahh perfection.

He hiked an 8 hour volcanic trail, surfed, anyways it was a good conversation and as I was listening intently probably picking my nose, while long haired music guy came up to my window. I mouthed “I’m on the phone” and he backed away. After I got out of the car he told me he heard my whole conversation and that I should probably change the settings on my blue tooth because the whole apartment building parking lot could hear me. Get it “Voices Carry.” Especially mine.

Even though it was 20 degrees crazy, long haired music guy was out with his music, beer and sunglasses and we started talking. Apparently, he didn’t recognize the ex on New Year’s Eve and thought he was Diesel 10. Yes, he knows about Diesel 10. He noticed my car gone a lot and one night inquired and I told him I was in PA and told him the abridged version, so during the month of November and December when I saw him he would ask how Diesel was doing.

Anyways, as I was about to enter my building and long haired music guy said, “Duh, of course I know your (insert Jewish ex’s name here), but I’m rooting for Diesel 10.” Aren’t we all, my friend? Aren’t we all?

Interestingly and what I think would make good TV is a scene in my life that took place roughly around 1:18 am New Year’s morning. I was upset and texting 26 (he texted first) as the Bestie and the CFO peaced out and headed to an outer borough (Hint, not SI, or BK or the Boogie down), the Jewish ex said to me “stop, cut this shit out, you are better than this, he is no good for you.” We had a little bit of sentimental heart to heart while searching for a cab and then he said something like this: he would be happy if me and Diesel 10 got together. He sounds like a great guy. Um, I wonder who else reads this thing?

I took a spin class tonight. Spin does nothing for me. I thought today was a little different I spiked up to Zone 3 on my heart monitor 3 times but when I went through my training file I was only in Zone three for 6 minutes. I stayed in zone 3 and 1 for most of the class, it is so strange because I was challenged and I was sweating a lot, but I think it’s just one cardio activity that doesn’t get my heart rate up, which is funny because I suck at riding a bike.

Day 3

1.5 miles @ 9:00 min mile

55 minute Spin Class

5 min cool down

_____________________________

Calories 489

Cal from Fat 31%

1:30:35

I was definitely the fattest person in the class.  I felt so fat I couldn’t even check my form in the mirror. My chub is back, ugh. I even asked my partner if I looked like I gained weight, and trust me he would tell me.

At my desk my arms were sore, but not as sore as I would like.  I want my triceps so sore it hurts to type. In class last night I could barely hold my plank for one minute, I need to step it up. My abs aren’t even sore.

This weekend I want to live at the gym. I want 2 hour gym sessions, maybe Sunday I’m going to take some city classes depending on how cold it is I’m thinking 86 and Lex or Houston, Union Square also has some great classes. The city gyms are awesome because they run classes and good ones all weekend long from literally 6 am to 8 pm, even on Sundays. Since I am just handing out information here is another tidbit, Victoria Secret’s semiannual sale is going on this week and that is one sale that I need to miss. Also notable is restaurant week from January 16 through February 10, 2012. Lunch $24.07 and dinner $35.00.

Rewards. In Shape Magazine they say its okay to reward yourself, but I think my rewards are more meaningful and appropriate then the Shape magazine Model who says she buys herself a purse after a week of hard workouts. I couldn’t imagine what she bought herself after her 30 days challenge.

If I can get through 2 week straight I am going to reward myself with a teeth cleaning. This Friday I am getting my hair dyed, rarely a reward since my grays are now growing out of my sideburns, but a reward maybe a haircut. I am rewarding myself with Megu for restaurant week finally! But seriously let’s talk about rewards.

Looking back over my life one may see the correlation between my recent trips and my personal disasters. However, beginning from Germany the trips will now be associated with my accomplishments.

I went to Barnes and Nobles today to grab a book on Ireland but a new one is coming out in early February so I pre-ordered it. It has to be a Lonely Plant book because those are the ones me and Diesel 10 used and personally I love their format. It is also the one on Japan I bought for him. Japan will have to wait for us that is a big trip that needs at least 2 weeks and a lot of funds. Funds probably from a dual income couple. I guess if we are serious enough we could probably start a saving account for Japan maybe put $200.00 away a month and after 10-12 months that would cover our spending and hotel money? That may not be a bad idea.

Still on my list, Croatia in the summer, Machu Picchu in October (best weather month to hike) and Australia (which will include New Zealand and Bali). Growing up I always wanted to go to Africa and the Middle East, I wrote my high school entrance essay on Africa but now I think can wait a little longer.

I can’t believe I am saying this but I may need to learn how to cook soon, I’m getting pretty bored of stir fry and my options are pretty limited being a vegetarian. If I can get my ass in gear and on non court days work out in the am work till about 6 and come home, experimenting with cooking would be ideal.

I am hoping this weekend I have some time to hang out in the city after my workout and just browse through the travel and magazine section of Barnes and Noble. Today my quick stop there reminded me how much I missed it. Barnes and Noble in Union Square is up there with my feelings on strolling the aisles at my local Whole Foods, going on a long run on the West Side Highway, drinking at Stans before a Yankee Stadium, singing the Goal song at the Rangers game, popcorn, bagels, getting a pedicure while reading SHAPE magazine, singing John Denver’s West Virginia at Oktoberfest.

I’m in the dark, I’d like to read his mind
but I’m frightened of the things I might find
Oh, there must be something he’s thinking of
to tear him away
when I tell him that I’m falling in love
why does he say
hush hush
keep it down now
voices carry
I try so hard not to get upset
because I know all the trouble I’ll get
oh, he tells me tears are something to hide
and something to fear
and I try so hard to keep it inside
so no one can hear
hush hush
keep it down now
voices carry
He wants me
but only part of the time
He wants me
if he can keep me in line
hush hush
keep it down now
voices carry
hush hush, darling, she might overhear
oh, no-voices carry
he said shut up he said shut up
oh God can’t you keep it down
voices carry
I wish he would let me talk.

Ran to Kohl’s this am to buy a $6.00 watch battery for my Polar Tec and then off to do some business banking. Since I was in Scarsdale (hoping to run into 21, wishful thinking since he is still in FLA) figured I would pop into a jewelry store and have my watch battery change. My discolored and faded pink Polar Tec heart rate monitor with sand in every crevice. I walked in right when the store opened it must have been 9:59 am and as the owner was helping me a Bentley pulls up. First thought BEYONCE, but the back door opened and a very tall pretty blond lady walked out with the skinniest legs I have ever seen. She must have just come from her morning training session because she was decked out in Lulu lemon.

The owner who was very attentive looked up and the very blonde women wished him a Happy New Years and he said he would be right with her. I felt like I had to step aside with my $6.00 Kohl’s battery. She waited patiently and as the owner asked me for my address for the ticket I glanced at her ring which was 2 bands and a huge engagement ring emerald cut with too smaller emerald cut diamonds on either size, looking at the size of her legs I have no idea how her hand supports this ring. I’m not a huge fan of emerald cut but anything that big is acceptable.

I noticed a toilet box in the corner and overheard her telling the shop worker that the place looks great; I’m figuring they just redid it. It was a small and intimate shop with beautiful silver menorahs on the shelves over the watches. He asked me if I wanted to wait and I told him no worries I would be back. He said $#^% Lane, I know it well. He definitely thought I was Jewish until I gave him my last name. I’m assuming his parents used to live in my apartment complex which doubles as a nursing home.

At work in between Nigerian customers coming in I also had to review a few Irish documents. Since I already signed up for Team for Kids for the NYC ½ (I WAS NOT MISSING THAT) I was at my desk looking up ½ marathons in London; figured I would pop in and visit my friend from camp, but the dates weren’t good with my 2012 wedding schedule, so for a brief second I thought about forgetting any aspirations for the 2012 NYC Marathon and Run the Dublin Marathon when I found this on August 6, 2012.

http://runrocknroll.competitor.com/dublin

SCORE!

I have never ran a Rock and Roll Marathon and heard they are sometimes unorganized but how can bad can it be running down the streets of Dublin singing (loudly in my opera voice) “I still haven’t found what I’m looking, for where the streets have no name, beautiful day, sweetest thing ….” Did you hear that intro on the webpage!!!!!

I picked up my watch around 5:45 pm and the owner was helping a young man pick out an engagement ring, making up settings with this virtual program on his laptop. It was quite interesting.  He came over to me right away and showed me what he did. The only problem is the watch is now in GERMAN. Lol he asked if I had time to stick around and he would fix it he knows a little German, we laughed and the special attention he gave me made the $16.11 to put a $6.00 battery in all worthwhile. FYI the salesgirl name was Tal.

Thank God I too, know a little German and numbers are pretty much universal.

Day 2 Work out

1.2 miles on the tread mill

15 minutes rowing machine

60 minutes Total Body Conditioning Class

________________________________

KALORIEN (Calories) 567

FEITANTEIL (Cal. Fat 36%)

1:32:05

People cuddling at the gym should be banished. I saw 2 people and not teenagers cuddling on the stretching mats. Seriously? I also saw some tough guy running into the gym on 25 degree night with a tank and shorts on. He too, should be banished.

I told Diesel 10 to get ready for Dublin, and I am serious. A month ago he was couldn’t walk and I guarantee if he runs with me in August he will beat my slow ass. 100% guarantee it.

So in the past week I have spoken to almost all my exes and this includes BC. GASP, I know. (I didn’t tell anyone it, was via text I had to see if he was really at the winter Classic) any who the only one I did not speak to was one of my 2 high school boyfriends, let’s call him Duke. Duke still lives in North Carolina, married with 2 kids. When did I stop dating athletes? Both my high school boyfriends played sports at the college level. #54 Division 2 Football and Duke Division 1 Basketball. I guess the answer is college when I got FAT. I’m 32 now, is collegiate athlete a search criteria on match.com? Well the Captain was a collegiate athlete as well, but that wasn’t dating. J

When I was at the bodega today I saw fliers for the Harlem Globetrotters, are they my favorite NY Basketball team? Maybe it was a sign.

That is something so NY I should totally go see, the Rodeo is also coming to MSG next week but I will not be in attendance. If I am going to go to a Rodeo it will be in Wyoming or Montana. The Harlem Globetrotter thing reminds me of a VHS video of Kareem Abdul Jabbar my mom bought for me one Christmas. I stayed outside for hours doing his warm up and drills. I never left the court without making 3 layups on the rights side, 3 on the left, 3 middle hook shots and then I added a little of Michael Jordon’s 10 free throws in a row. To this day when I’m super stressed there is nothing better than an open court. I still do not leave any court without doing this and I will definitely teach my kids the same discipline. Why am I telling you this? Maybe tomorrow I will play some hoops at the gym.

By the way, that annoying barista is now in Scarsdale. I had a mini tiff with him because he marked my cup S ‘skinny’ as opposed to SF for sugar free. I just didn’t want them to get confused since skinny means skim milk and I wanted soy. It took us 3 minutes to go over how to mark my cup and I had him show me the cup markings to make sure he had all the boxes filled out correctly. Ugh I feel bad.

Can we discuss something I posed months ago? WHY AM I UNDATEABLE? Huh why don’t guys that I am interested in ask me out, why doesn’t anyone ask me out? Why do guys that semi ask me out become my boyfriends automatically?

The Bestie has another date on Friday and I am thrilled (because I like her date) but I can’t help but ask what is wrong with me? I want an athlete I have been having these weird dreams about Kris Humphries (who I now follow on Twitter). That’s weird right?

Fiona Apple remember her? Remember her video for Criminal hot and weird all at the same time, lyrically that song is amazing. So is this one:

Once my lover, now my friend.
What a cruel thing to pretend.
What a cunning way to condescend.
Once my lover, now my friend.

Oh, you creep up like the clouds.
And you set my soul to ease.
Then you let your love abound.
And you bring me to my knees.

Oh, its evil, babe,the way you let your grace enrapture me.
When, well, you know, Id be insane -
To ever let that dirty game recapture me.

You made me a shadowboxer, baby.
I wanna be ready for what you do.
I been swinging all around me.
cause I don’t know when you’re gonna make your move.

Oh, your gaze is dangerous.
And you fill your space so sweet.
If I let you get too close,
Youll set your spell on me.

So, darlin, I just wanna say.
Just in case I don’t come through.
I was on to every play.
I just wanted you.

But, oh, its so evil, my love,
The way you’ve no reverence to my concern.
So, Ill be sure to stay wary of you, love,
To save the pain of once my flame and twice my burn.

You made me a shadowboxer, baby.
I wanna be ready for what you do.
I been swinging all around me.
cause I don’t know when you’re gonna make your move.