Shwag’s Blog

Ever watch a TV show and wish life could be that simple. Today I got a FB message from Gino my Bahamian friend and the Bahamas was that simple.

 You wake up grab a coffee sit on the beach, do nothing read a book maybe Shape magazine, grab a cold water and do nothing till you change into your gym clothes and run on the beach, you do that until your so tired you go up to your room shower nap, grab dinner a drink, do some gambling, little more drinking and then dancing, and when you get so hot you head out to the water to cool down. Oh man. Of course you don’t have to fly to the Bahamas you can always just sneak away to lets say LBI, which my mom swears I’ve been to and I have no recollection whatsoever but loved it and cant wait to go back.

This week I thought I wouldn’t have a rough week at work, but with cancelled meetings, more emergency motions, problems with divorce filings and very downtrodden clients I can’t help but ask myself if this is why I’m so cynical about everything lately.

I mean I only see people at their worse, I hear constant complaining, I argue about everything lately no settlement comes easy anymore, I don’t know if that just comes with the territory, that maybe its because this is almost 4 years of this. I live for my weekends I totally check out like more than 100%.

Its funny I’m watching Sex in the City and it’s the episode where they want to get Carrie back into “the Game” and Miranda takes her to a Yankee Game and she dates the “New Yankee” (speaking of which I really hate the allstar break-why dont they just do it at the end of the season after the world series ughh it just messes up the whole flow, I mean the if they need rest i rather them go back to their Spring training camps bc you know most of the players are not allstarsand doing nothing or shoping with their celebrity girlfriends! More and more Miranda is so like me, why do I never watch TV some of this stuff is great.  Funny though because the way Carrie thinks about men is how I used to think, oh wow great friends, clothes and gossip about boys amazing.

Anyways for my Bday I’m thinking that ridiculously beautiful new Gucci bag (which I cannot afford) I may settle for a smaller Gucci but I don’t know, a diamond necklace to match my earrings, ( was even thinking new earrings but I don’t think so), an awesome trip in October  or nothing and wait for the payoff in the future. I’m literally trying to bank every penny I own and pay off my loans and buy something like soon, but I feel like something is always blocking me. Maybe its not my time, maybe God has some other plan for me, I don’t know but someone better tell me know or throw me a sign because I’m getting super antsy.

I can’t wait for South Carolina in a few weeks, just beach and sun and running on the beach, going try and get away and detox and just relax and sleep and sun. Even if it’s only for a few days I think it will be a perfect getaway from engagements every weekend until now the middle of September. I can’t even plan a trip to Vegas because I don’t have that many free weekends, and now I am double booked Vegas or Toronto for a wedding, Montreal or Toronto?  

Besides the Canadians invading Yonkers, and they too are overlapping,  they are now invading Times Square Tim Horton’s has taken over Dunkin Donuts in Times Square, I’m not telling Antonia because shell make me drive her down there every morning. Canadanians love their Tim Horton’s I guess he was some famous hockey players and he is to coffee and what Dunkin Donuts is to America, maybe worse but he has way more drive thru which is key, however I must admit he does have a better double chocolate doughnut.

Speaking of Canadians me and mother instant message now at night to communicate, my dads on his new Mac, my sister I text to her I phone and my mom texts and instant messages, it’s all pretty hysterical.

Maybe instead of waiting for my life to clam down I should embrace it, I used to have a handle on it, but I haven’t been able to sneak away lately or have any me days, now my new outlook is work hard now and I keep telling myself that it will pay off later, but how much later s my question isn’t it better if I can get a little reprieve every few months?

Right now i just want to concentrate on dancing at Marias’s bachlorette party in my new heels

Day 2 of anorexia little hungry stomach upset from tea but ill deal. I’m trying only to eat fiber, fruits and veggies and soup, oh and Starbucks of course. Day 1 was easy and I wish I could do just a raw vegetable diet but I have no time to get to the grocery store. The weight loss challenge was going great until I gained 11 pounds this weekend, yes 11!

 

This morning I drove my mom to work and back down to Mazda because my car is still smoking. I observed a garbage man get out of his t6ruck load garbage onto the truck, get out a shovel and scoop up a dead furry rat into the truck; he put gloves on of course because the dead little bastard wouldn’t get onto to the shovel. I also saw a lady with this long stick contraption and a gorgeous poodle, manicured perfectly. The owner not so much. But at the light I was stuck on this contraption it had a rounded edge and she would waive it, a ball would bounce and the poodle would daintily retrieve it and stick it back onto the long stick. I cannot believe people would waste money on this. I don’t have a dog but whatever happened to go fetch. And I immediately hated this well manicured dog, did this dog think that he or she (bc I can’t tell looked like a girl to me) was better than all the other dogs?

 

Anyways, I’m beyond edgy and stressed lately. Thought it maybe depression but I have never been depressed. I think I’m just anxious I’m applying for a mortgage on my cell outside and these wild kittens are roaming all around my feet as I’m giving important information to these loan officers, and even these little wild kittens annoy me.

 

Lately that’s exactly what I feel like, annoyed, agitated, like I don’t even have a moment to breathe and I’m drowning. I love living on the run, but the difference is I have lost my balance. It’s fine to run for work and run around to do your own stuff but I’m now 110% running around for other people and in the red for me and for what? No one pays on time anymore, no one appreciates anything, and everyone demands more. And the one thing I ask for I demand I get nothing. So anyway, call it what you will a funk, depression, anxiety, stress, whatever or don’t call it anything, but I definitely feel strange.  

I was in Brooklyn all morning listening to the names of defendants which all had either legal or religious themed names today “Tyrone Innocent” “Oscar Bond” “Musilino Jesus” “Ali Original.” Then I caught my eye on an in case wearing a pink button down. He had long beautiful hair and wait a Canadian accent. He was picked up for drinking green stuff on a bike at 3 am and spent the whole night in central booking. He had his shoelaces and belt neatly wrapped up in his pocket.

I did my case and heading for the street, here was no time to street shop even though today they had great Curious George and dr. Seuss $1.00 books, educational posters and glitter Obama Tees like, I Heart (insert Obama’s faced in glitter) Brooklyn, bags of sunglasses on the floor and Obama green bags all for a dollar.

Jumped back on the subway for the Bronx and was so into my Brick breaker game I made it to level 14 finally I didn’t notice that some preacher was standing over me baptized me with holy water or piss in a bottle. He said I had to repent and I said okay and he starting talking about all this Jewish stuff and I looked up and said dude, I’m Italian and he moved on. I did not want to get baptized again today before leaving the Brooklyn Courthouse I made the mistake of using the “Damas” bathroom and when I went to scrub my hands (and the tune old MacDonald came into my head I think someone told me your now suppose to scrub your hands for a certain amount of time and use some children’s hymn as a guide so I chose that one I guess eventhough thats the longest one in the world once you start adding animals other than farm animals in there)the water went all over me and of course there were no paper towels, so I used my scarf (that was too hot to wear and was in my bag) as a towel, and this women had the nerve to ask if she can use it to dry her hands, I was like uh no Swine and walked out.

Anyways, at 12:45 I was still not back in the office the conductor came on and informed us there would be significant delays because there was an ill passenger at 59th. Wonderful I had a hearing in Far Rockaway at 1pm but I was content with the preacher gone to another sinner and me and my Brick breaker. I got off the subway at 138th and walked up to my office all nervous to round the corner off the steps because I heard a dog. You know how dogs can smell fear in people well I can smell dogs, and this one was a huge huge pit-bull with a massive collar walking his owner. Wonderful and if you know my block there was nowhere to walk to except up the concourse. So with my feet killing me from blisters because it was the first day I whipped out my summer sandals, I was literally limping fastly up to my office. Praying that the dog wouldn’t smell my practice I spilled on my crouch this morning while driving to work. When I spilled my breakfast this morning I for some reason thought of this exact occurrence and now I begin to run because I think I had this premonition this morning and now it’s coming true.
 
I need to talk to my bagel guys, they love me so much they give me soo much but I tell them only a little because I eat my meals in the car, well he’s Colombian I guess they just don’t listen to me. So I am sweating and totally freaked out that this dog is going to eat me that I am so happy to see the parking lot guy and he calls me into the lot and the dog and his walker go on in front of me ahhh. Parking lot guy proceeds to tell me that the ex has been parking there again since after I saw him that day and asked if I wanted him to tell him to stop by my office. To which I replied hell no! He chuckled we joked about the dog I grabbed my file and was off to Queens.

The journey to Far Rockaway was uneventful except that there was major traffic on the southern state and the belt. But after making the left at Sensations Peep show which is doing phenomenal I must say, for the country being in a recession I found myself waiting for an econovan probably from the late 80’s with the round mirror window thing in the bad backing out of the TVB parking lot and going right into oncoming traffic on Rockaway Boulevard. Oh Jesus I think thank god I saw that preacher today because I may die right now. This van had flowers in pots on top of the roof and the sliding door on the side completely open and the cargo space was filled with every kinds of vegetable you can imagine and some long root things. The driver and his passenger with defiantly Rastafarian with their long dreads and hats on and I couldn’t help but think oh Jesus another premonition. The preacher on the train was Jamaican. Anyway I finally get my ticket and talk to the parking lot attendant and make some joke like “ha I bet there guilty” ( because of all the violations on their van get it I’m at Traffic Violations Bureau) and he told me they caused all that commotion because they didn’t want to pay the $4.00 per hour parking lot fee. I’m off and inside to do my hearing.

It must have been senior day today in the DMV because there were people with walkers and one old lady up against the fence she could barely walk I cannot imagine how she drives nor do I want to think about it, oh and the Cash for Gold guy that is now a Staple in front of all courts and municipal buildings. Speaking about Jamaicans and Cash for gold I have to call Natasha. I wonder if she thinks of me and my mom when she drives past the old Mount Parnas Diner on Central.

Well at 4:00pm I leave and I left my hazards lights on for hours while I was in there and listening to the best jams ever as I run on fumes on Farmers Boulevard looking for a gas station. I sort of can navigate my way back here because once in law school I drove this girl home that didn’t drive and did not know where she lived at all. It was incredibly sad. So there I was after a late night study session in the ex’s huge truck volunteering to drive her home well we got lost real bad and it was probably the worse neighborhood I’ve ever been it to date, way worse than the south Bronx or being lost in DC.

Bad Girl friend – Theory of a Dead Man (that’s me)
Welcome to the world –Kevin Little (heyyyy)
Boom Boom –Black eyed Peas (nice old techno beat)
Every Breathe you Take- Sting (the only song I know how to play on the guitar, well did know from years of lessons)
Bon Jovi – dead or alive (classic) I felt like I was on a steel horse driving through the boroughs running out of gas
Rosanna- Toto all songs with Italian girls names in the title are great “Maria” “Gloria” etc.
Take me on the floor-Vero (except for the kissing the girl floor I like it all)
So emotional – Whitney Houston (reminds me of singing Whitney classics in my backyard on a tree stump)
Some Heart Song
The ting Tings- Great Song reminds me of some womens lib shit
Fell on black days-sound garden (just always liked sound garden from HS)
Start me up – Stones (another classic)
Girls on stage-Duran Duran (Duran Duran and reminds me of Genia bc she once told me a story about her sister and a Camero which I somehow equate to Duran Duran)
Just another day –John Secada (love love love John Secada and Sade and I think Seal)

So anyways I got back to my office at 5:15 pm and I am sitting here trying to avoid Yankee Traffic yea 7 in a row! and get an old email resent to me from my ex. Ha I think also I learn (I had 3 really close law school friends) that she got engaged in Paris in the Louvre courtyard and loves art, went shopping on the Champs Elyse all day and drank champagne into the wee hours of the morning and is having a small and intimate loft wedding in the city to the guy that dumped her right before we took the bar.

Starbucks Venti Quad Regular shots caffeinated Sugar Free Vanilla Soy Latte………. $4.91
My usual Bagel (sesame whole wheat toasted with tuna one slice American and 3 tomatoes)…………………………………………………………………………………..……$5.50
 New Metro Card ………………………………………………………………….$7.00
Ez Pass back and Forth …………………………………………………………….$14.00
Parking at TVB ……………………..…………………………………………….. $8.00 Gas……………………………………….…………………………………………$43.48
Starbucks Venti Quad Decaf Sugar Free vanilla Soy Latte and a Banana Nut Loaf …..$10.27
7 Grand Stand Yankee Tickets ……………………………………………………. $451. 97

What I learned today:
1. Sour cream and food made with sour cream tastes like throw up to me
2. Those Tastyville ads on the Van Wyck with “Tastyville” in huge yellow letters across the sausage link also make me nauseous. It does make me happy though that this gross ad is rt near Citified and we have the Yonkers Empire City Casino ads and Jeter’s Nike ads by ours  

Things i know are wrong with me but i dont thnk i can every change them:
1.  I have a very sick and unhealthy fear of all dogs and let’s say most animals especially rats and dogs
2. I continue to eat all my meals during the week in the car, they consist of Starbucks samples and when they don’t have samples I allow myself to get a bagel and coffee and water and fiber one bars and trail mix occasionally peanuts and pretzels.

If you have a fish, nut or sesame seed allergy you are now forewarned.

Okay 7:05pm I must go if I wasn’t so tired I would run up and buy a single ticket for tonight game grab a beer and sit in the bleachers.

Last Friday I had a doctor’s appointment at Planned Parenthood. I scheduled the appointment a full month in advance and scheduled early because court was adjourned for that morning and I had the whole morning free. Well. Of course I arrived 15 minutes ate, which didn’t matter since I didn’t get called in until 2:30.

I have my annuals at Planned Parenthood now because they are way cheaper ad I have no insurance so even when I need blood work done or a prescription I usually don’t bitch about the waiting but, Friday was unusually ridiculous. I mean I could have flown to Canada went to the doctor, filled my script had lunch with my cousins and flew back and made it back to work before 3 the time I left Planned Parenthood Friday.

I sat in the waiting room watching guiding light (looking for Angela’s twins), the view, the price is right etc. btw I should be on the Price is Right these eighteen year olds do not know how much anything costs. I was screaming between napping in the waiting room when an Escada purse came up for bidding. Fine the men guessed way low, but these girls come on anyways, about 12:30 they called me into another room a smaller waiting area where 5 of us sat there. I did not have my iPod, a magazine, nothing and now I was in a room with 5 women at a Planned Parenthood Clinic. I mean in the bigger waiting room I tried to guess why everyone was in there and now I was in a room with 5 of them.

I guessed that Casey, who had a huge rock on her finger, her hands and toes perfectly manicured and had her fiancé calling her every 5 minutes was extremely dumb and I was right. I guess this because she was the waiting room chick that talks to everyone. So now in the smaller room I became a doctor. She kept asking me questions about this huge questionnaire they give you to fill out. The first question she asked which she prefaced with “this is probably a really dumb question but is blood pressure and cholesterol the same thing, I mean I don’t have either but I just want to know.”  I finished that questionnaire in about 2 minutes in the big waiting room about 4 hours ago and couldn’t believe she still had it in her hands. Some of the questions (besides the usual health questions, diabetes, asthma, pregnancy etc) were:  

How many sexual partners have you had?

How many were men.

How many were women.

Have you engaged in analsex/oralsex/outersex/vaginalsex  

And I thought what the hell is outersex?

Then there were other questions about what kind of sex you have and half of those ways you could have sex I didn’t even know what they were to which I answered NA.

Then all the STD questions. Fine I’ve heard of HPV but where were the usual STDs like gonorrhea and Chlamydia do we even have that anymore? There was a good few STD’s I’ve never heard of.

So Ann was older, long hair held up in a clip, wearing tube socks and Thinsulate boots, equipped with a Jansport back pack and a fluorescent colored winter jacket.

Michelle and Megan were younger Spanish looking girls, kept to themselves and then there was a young girl who came storming in to this smaller waiting room ranting and raving about the birth control they gave her and how she thought it was suppose to work and what’s the point etc etc. so I pretty much knew why she was there. Of course I was the last called out of all 5 which is fine because I only needed a check up. But by the time I left that room not only was I a doctor but I specialized in gynecology and psychology.

So I was seen by a PA who was cool liked my toe polish, asked me the standard questions and I decided to ask her what outersex was. The nurses there are so cool, I’ve been there 3 times now and I’ve had the same nurse all there times, who does all the prep work, like blood pressure, weight, etc. before the British doctor or this young PA sees you and all three times she thought I fibbed on my questionnaire, she never believes that I’ve never been pregnant and how many people I have had sex with. So I was prepared when the PA cross examined me on these questions. But I’m so used to it by now, and it doesn’t bother me at all and I understand they are just doing there job. I probably wouldn’t believe me either.

It always reminds me of when I had to go to the emergency room during college break one year and I was there with Genia and my mom and the doctor gave me a pregnancy test even though me and Genia told him I never had sex and he didn’t believe us and made my mother leave the room so that the nurse could give me a pregnancy test, I told the doctor she could stay I had nothing to hide, but my mom was so cute she was all nervous looking and said its okay ill leave. Genia almost punched the doctor out and we were trying to explain that I didn’t need one, and then even though I knew and Genia knew I never had sex had to wait there for the results, I swear I was more nervous than my mom the doctor freaked me out I thought I was going to be the second immaculate conception.   

 After 5 hours I left with a crumbled paper bag and a years prescription and my blood work results from last year. But my annual exam was only $65 bucks and my whole visit with a years prescription filled was $266.00. woohoo. My flight to Canada would have been that much. So I jumped in my car and turned on my satellite radio 90’s on 9 and heard the Smashing Pumpkins singing “today is the greatest.. “

Today I had an office day and now that I am in court almost every morning and every afternoon I look forward to catching up with you guys in my office face booking and imming between phone calls and motion practice but today I lost a huge battle with my favorite stapler which has been going on for quite some time and may now be over. 

After I went crazy looking for my Brother Ptouch (I have no idea where it is) I starting blue backing. Marie was not in the office and for all you lawyers out there that do a lot of motion practice you know what blue backing is, which I usually hate and get super stressed and crazed over because it means your deadline is looming, except on office days where while I’m on the phone with my clients on speaker of course, I take pleasure in blue backing. It calms for some strange reason, today I had my favorite stapler in my hand but something was wrong. It was jamming every other staple. Someone and I won’t mention names, put crappy staples in it and literally for a ½ hour I fought with the stapler. You see my office has every kind of staples except the smallest most regular staples that most of you guys buy and have a plethora of in your office and never use them. Well send some over. So anyway my favorite stapler is now in my favorite garbage.

Moving on, I just looked for tickets to Myrtle Beach and bought 7 tickets for the July 3^rd Yankee game so that’s exciting.  I also have been eating non stop so I went up to Giovanni’s today (took me 27 minutes to drive 2 blocks) to get my Asian shrimp salad and heard some dude order a lasagna strombolo and had to stand there and laugh. My day did not start as funny, I almost got side swiped by a MTA van who was texting and driving and I waited 7 minutes for my coffee which throws my whole morning commute off.

Still not for nothing it was a decent day. Left work early 6:30 stopped at the BP to grab a Snapple, where no one speaks English I give the lady a buck and a whole bunch of change and she just starts at me so I ask her in Spanish if I owe her more and she responds I don’t know I don’t really cont it. Note to self always go on her checkout line. So I was late for Riches game but got to see CJ, they won so that all worked out. I’m sorry but my cousins maybe the cutest kids ever and that goes for the Canadians as well

His weekend I do not have any parties. I love parties but I also love free weekends. I wish I could just get far far away ahhhh.

Can I just say that I now have a boyfriend who is by 100% opposite from my ex. Like you don’t even understand 100% the things he eats, the way he acts, the way he looks, his personality, demeanor everything, every day I’m noticing more things and everyday I cant believe it. 

  thought·ful (thôt

f l)

adj.

1. Engrossed in thought; contemplative.

2. Exhibiting or characterized by careful thought: a thoughtful essay.

3. Having or showing heed for the well-being or happiness of others and a propensity for anticipating their needs or wishes.

 

He is extremely thoughtful. He calls, he worries, he asks, he listens I think he may really care. So weird to the point where I’m still questioning why, but I now totally believe him. I just can’t believe how I had such strong feelings for someone who is the total opposite of him, and that men like him even exist.   

 There is one thing I’m worried about but he is such a different man than the other one so I am not going to even think about it again because I know there is no comparison at all.

Yankees win 7 in a row it was good day.

So AU, many of you have heard my stories about college. Some of you are my college friends; some of you visited me in college or met me during my college years.

Today I was at a CLE class, most are not that interesting, especially when you don’t like he particular topic. Some lawyers are not speakers even though they are experts in their field.

I walked in exactly 46 minutes late, as I am not used to being on a class schedule and walked in while my friend from college was already at the podium speaking. My old AU friend who also was a 1^st year in law school when I was a 3^rd year law student. We hung out at Chadwick’s and from 10 years ago you would never think, or at least I should say I never thought, he would be speaking at a CLE , or that he taught at Georgetown, or that he was a government investigator and now a lawyer speaking in front of hundreds of fellow NYC attorneys.  I guess you wouldn’t think that Shwag would be an attorney in the South Bronx either huh?

Besides being an excellent speaker (he went over his allotted time and everyone wanted to ask him questions, he even quoted one of our law profs) I was impressed with his background, we had identical schooling how did I not know anything about him? Similarly to my boyfriend now huh, how little I knew of him from college.

What the hell was I doing? I remember hanging out with both, but never really talking about anything. I actually feel like I only knew more about Mike than Cory, but maybe that was because of how much more regularly I saw Mike and we played basketball together in law school.

AU ahhhh, I wouldn’t have changed anything. For all those people and all the stupid things they did, everyone for the most part turned out to be great productive members of society. Lawyers, lots of lawyers (corporate attorneys, public interest attorneys, immigration attorneys) PHD’s, architects, FBI agents, politicians, non for profit directors, teachers, officers of financial corps., business owners, TV producers, published authors, etc. to name a few.

It’s still so refreshing. Other schools had ½ the class or more going to large accounting or financial firms when we were graduating Morgan Stanley, Bear Sterns, Arthur Anderson, etc. the Big 8, Big 10, Big 5 or whatever they called themselves. I know most of my friends from high school followed suit and 3 of my old guy friends including my high school ex all went to Morgan Stanley. And I remember making a phone call to my college friend who landed a job at Anderson. Wow has things changed.

Now I’m sitting here with a familiar face lecturing and feeling so proud not only of AU but of CUNY. I’m also thinking about my boyfriend who I a more impressed with everyday J .

Side notes – why do people feel that it  is okay to  load 3 bagels on their plate just because its free, when lunch is 45 minutes away?  

The two girls from my law school were playing Sudoku (hangman of 2009) during the whole morning session- are you kidding me?

PSS- I hate I mean despise massages, never paid for one, don’t like strangers touching me, not even at the nail salon, but am dying for a good massage.

Noticed that in the auditorium there were 34 (yes I counted) pictures of male attorneys and only one picture of a female attorney and she is wearing a deep purple skirt suit, standing up, when most of the men were sitting down, even in a different frame than all the others, and she was placed in the second row all the way on the far right wall in the corner. In defense the frame looked newer because it did look like a more recent painting but still, only one woman?

I love the Bronx in the spring, baseball fever, Stans, the latest Sobro trends, women wearing those crazy Cleopatra sandals that tie all the way up to your knees, the new hair does, these new bright yellow jackets that say “se hable espanol”, the long lines outside the clinic, bikes getting towed on the Bruckner, my favorite mango dealer off the Sheridan, long lines at the LMC carwash, kids at the park, etc.   

My phone went off at 7am and then 7:15 from the Irish Prince annoying me about everything. He calls and calls, leaves voicemail and texts until I wake up and answer his calls. After Starbucks, where I had another breakfast that consisted of 2 samples of Starbucks old pastries cut up in mini bites, I was at the Bronx TVB parking lot by 8:30 am and my parking lot boyfriend started, usually tell him I don’t want to go on a date because I swore off all men, but today I had 2 things on and of course was in a rush so told him I had a boyfriend. Well, he followed me in to TVB, where I saw a woman pick her bf’s zit above his eye right on the line at DMV, disgust, and when I came out there he was interrogating me on my new love. So he sat in my car for a few as I told him about my bf, this is all good, because I didn’t have to pay $8 bucks today and hopefully never again.

I thought my work schedule was going to calm down this week but I was wrong today I left the office with Marie at 9:30 and tomorrow have to get a good 6 hours straight paperwork so that I can get everything I need to do done before the jammed packed weekend I have. Last week, I was so busy I had my mom pick up my dry cleaning from Suzie, go to Staples for me for supplies, overnight my taxes to the accountant at the post office, drop of my laundry, meet a client for me when I was running late, and make my office deposits, bought gifts for all the parties I had to go to, canceled my cleaning lady and cleaned my basement herself. She was great “do you want me to out up a broom up my ass next and sweep” was what she said by Friday.

So my mom was really great about doing all of that and then I realized why. She has been meaning to ask me about doing another construction project in the house. I know have one more week to tell her if I will approve the project. Like this time it’s a huge one. I told her I wanted one summer without any construction, but she assured me that if I okayed the project ad they started in May this time they would be done by June. Mie the contractor asked my mom how “the Queen would react” lol the only problem I have is where the hell will I live. I can sleep upstairs but where will all my stuff go, my mom wants the entire basement gutted and closets out in and new bathroom. This will be hell all 4 of us upstairs using the same bathroom, it was bad enough with me downstairs and them coming down and using my bathroom, but for all of us to live upstairs in 800 square feet, oh Jesus. I was thinking about asking Zia Gina f I could stay there but it would be too much with my work and my clothes. I mean really, is she serious? Mike asked if I could go away for a month lol yea I wish! You may say, this isn’t your house, you are only a guest! Yes, you are correct however I will also fund the operation, and my living situation (including my clothes) will be severely disrupted and The Queen, as her and Mike call me, is not happy in that situation.

So well have to think about that, back to the Bronx and how driving in the Bronx is like no where else in the city or the world. I mean in one morning I have to dodge, the usual pedestrians, stroller, burned out tires, weaves, huge hefty bags filled with crap, potholes, traffic everywhere at all times, ughhh but there is nothing like it. Especially in Spring. Fall is my favorite but spring is great with Yankees, Rangers Playoffs, BBall playoffs, if my life revolved around sports I would be very happy. When I was little besides from being a Divorce Court Judge on TV I wanted to be a college basketball coach, and growing up after playing ball I began coaching AAU and I really thought coaching was something I would make my career. And then I went to law school, how different my life would be right now if I spent most of my time in a gym wearing sweats rather than suits, stressing over games rather than staying late at the office doing paperwork, making deadlines and prepping for trial.

So this weekend is another weekend we have plans everyday. I love my friends and try to balance everything but cramming everything in on the weekends is getting harder and harder. It would be so bad if I could get my workouts in during the week and my errands but with work its becoming more difficult, I’m so not complaining that work is busy because I am super grateful but I do hope the summer will let up a little and for my thirtieth I can get away somewhere good, like Ibiza or Lisbon or Vegas and the Grand Canyon with Stacey.

Saturday night I was also told I have been a bad friend, I was floored and it is still upsetting me. There are 3 people I feel like I have been neglecting, oh maybe 4 including my trainer, but if I don’t have time for myself I cant make it for them. I have to get better with the phone. That has always been a problem for me especially now that I only have my weekend to try and relax and even then I feel crazed. I also think I need to spend more alone time with him, we speak all the time but I just feel really needy about alone time with him. Is that bad? I’m so not that needy girl that needs to see him all the time but when you never see him and then see him with 50 people around I feel like I’m turning into that girl, and I have to share my time with him.

I can’t remember if I wrote about this before but I’m getting this anxiousness that I need to get to know him better and that I hope summer can give us that. I have no clue if he feels the same way, I doubt it because he never mentions it but maybe its not that we have to get to know each other better maybe I just need time away from everyone else, if any of this makes sense.

 I think that the next time we have nothing planned is June, but I would have to check my calendar on that. Busy is god right? Distance makes the heart grow fonder; lol isn’t that what my mom said to be the other night.

Getting home from work at 9:30 is brutal and I definitely have to go back to the doctor because, I haven’t been working out 5+ days week since November, and I eat especially lately on the weekends but could that really outweigh the fact that during the week although I consciously try and eat small meals I literally don’t eat more than 800 calories a day. I haven’t lost a pound, if anything I have gained weight.  Bizarre.

So Spring is here and I’m excited about the Yankees and the Rangers and me and Cory and possibly planning a great 30^th bday getaway and think that in the long run this distance we have now may be a good thing for us, but I think that a little longer I may lose it, and he may see a mini freak out, so this is just a warning.  

In the next few years I have so many things I want to do, and although so many (13) are getting married around me and starting families, I don’t know why I’m just not there yet, I mean mentally. At first I thought it was because of the 4 years I spent in law school and studying for the bar and starting my career when a most of my friends went to grad school or started working right away. Now I don’t know what it is, I still look forward to a great night out dancing till 6am and hitting up Ht and Crusty and brunching at China Fun on Sunday. I mean I guess alot of things I want to do I can do with another person but I think what I’m referring to are more personally goals. Like paying off my loans and buying a place of my own.  

I feel like the people around me are trying to rush me or maybe want me to want certain things that I just don’t put as much emphasize on as they do and it’s beginning to make me question myself. I have never been that person to question myself since about 9 I have known pretty much who I was and I don’t think I have changed my opinion of myself much since then.  I have no idea why I’m writing about this, maybe it’s because for the first time everyday I hear about something wedding related, from shoes, to bachelorette parties, to receiving an invitation to something at least once a week. Believe me I love a good party so if you invite me I will come! And have a great time just why did everyone do this all at one time lol ? maybe this is better because when I’m ready ill be the only one and all of you will have kids and probably not come or your kids will be 20 and can come party too !

My man Jimmy is on Channel 7 I have to go so that I can be up early so I can leave work at a reasonable hour tomorrow. I mean its really getting bad that I have to blackberry myself to change my bathroom lightbulb, go to home depot and buy a toilet seat, and have Marie make a makeup appointment for me.  

On a sidenote how can people still oppose same sex marriage?????    

So I know I blogged a little about Easter but I’m sure most of you want to know the real deal. Well here it is. Besides me being way too drunk for a family function and having no recollection excepts blurs that are still coming back to me today, there was another first at Easter, my boyfriend and his mom were there.

Yes I have invited other one other significant other to a family functions in the past and after about 5 years he showed up late, or for just for coffee or came to a baptism here and there. The old one definitely liked everyone but always thought I was looking for a “Dom” or “Richie” and made me quite aware of the fact that he was never going to be them. (which sucks because their awesome  Whatever that means. What I think he meant was that he was never going to be the guy to be around my family and be there for family events, and even though sometimes there’s a lot of them I felt that he should known after 6 years which ones to attend and which ones it was okay to skip (if any). For example, my first cousins weddings, hmmm he should have been at. And seriously he should have just sucked it up. Its not torture. And you know what getting along with them “the others” as I like to call them or “your people”  as he likes to call them, especially Richie is super important to me. Now that I’m thinking about it I have to really ask Richie what he thought about the ex, he would always just give me this look, and Richie isn’t one to say much about anything especially my relationships, but I feel like I knew how he felt even though he didn’t come right out and tell me. Which is why I think me and Richie get along so well I feel like even though I talk a lot about a lot of things and he talks a lot about a few things  we have an understanding of each other and I can count on him just as much as I can count on anyone of my cousins.    

He also always told me that I should be with someone different, someone named Brad or Kirk (wonder if he ever said Cory lol) someone who would hang out with my friend and family. I would get so mad and think why is he telling me I should be with someone else, and he always just said he couldn’t be that person that I wanted. I never even knew what I wanted. Ha!

Now I have this guy that actually wants to be there, who actually wants to get to know them and not because I want him to get to know them but because he actually cares about getting to know them. My mother in all those years never met my ex’s parents, she never even saw a picture or spoke to her on the phone she did send a gift one year and so did I, and never expected anything back. I met my ex’s mother a handful of times and she was always very nice to me and then the moving I thing happened. Maybe she was just a very overprotective mother over her favorite son or maybe she just was very particular or old school or maybe she didn’t approve of me living there. Now thinking back I don’t even remember what he told her when we decided to move in together. I do remember the lecture on what mile he drank, the lining of my cabinets, the curtains in my living room and the one chair.   I also think now that I felt like I really didn’t feel like it was my home as well as his.

So Easter went well, my mom was nervous and I think his mom was too. I was nervous for her not because she’s not great because a family function in our family is overwhelming with the amount of people, the amount of food and the amount of babies. I just cat believe I didn’t say two words at Zia’s house, but I feel like there was a lot of talking and eating so it was fine. Cory also got to meet Uncle Tony and Uncle Peter for the first time.

You may think that this is all happening very quick. I mean forget the fact that he has met basically my whole family except the Canadians, but the fact that his mom came to Easter dinner. See this just goes along with our whole relationship. We went on some activity dates, went away together, didn’t go out to dinner until we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend and went to the pizzeria like the 3^rd time we hung out, so it wasn’t so weird that we skipped the whole tradition in my family of invite him over for cake and coffee (because we joke that you only get a seat at the dinner table if you are engaged) and how he is already staying up here on weekend (obviously he sleeps in my room and I sleep in my own room 2 floors away) and went straight to Easter dinner with his mom.

The question is do I think that it is happening to quick? All the stuff above I have no problems with at all, I actually can’t believe that Cory doesn’t mind hanging with my family. I love hanging out with my cousins and their kids. I would think that someone wouldn’t want to hang out with so many kids when they first start dating but he seems to enjoy it and I feel like he does it because he wants too and not because he’s doing it for me.

I mean if you follow this blog at all you know that I have been concerned with the timing of all this and the planning and that I go back and forth of being okay with how fast it has been going and now a major Holiday with his family. I mean we can’t go much faster than this.

It’s just that sometimes I just want to be with him and no one else. Although I feel like I know him, do I really know him? I just want time with him by ourselves to really get to know each other. Those 24 hours in Philly I feel like I learned so much about him, I just want to get to know everything about him. There’s so much I feel like I don’t know.   Even though I speak to my mom about almost everything guys and relationships is something I never speak to her about. And the family asks but I usually brush it off. My mom told me she must assume I really like him or else I wouldn’t have invited him to Easter. Assume as you will people. They are all trying to feel me out bout my feelings, its funny. Remember I don’t do feelings well.

My mother also keeps telling me to be patient and that everything will be better in the summer. I have no idea what the hell she is talking about. I wonder  if she can sense my feelings of anxiousness or slight annoyance of the fact that I don’t get to see him as often as I want and that when I do we are never alone or running to some function. He makes every effort more than 100% to spend time with me and this is greatly appreciated knowing is schedule and how hard the next few weeks will be for him. I just want to get away with him for a few days even 24 hours in Philly. I’ve been busting my ass at work more than usual to try and make extra money so that I can save more for a down payment. Lately I feel like I haven’t had any alone time not just with him but by myself. My Saturday ritual of 2 hour gym sessions and nails and all the other shit I do hasn’t been followed in the longest and I truly feel like my schedule is out of whack. I need to get back to working out on the weekends and doing stuff on the weekends because I am not finding the time to get things done during the week with work and I need to because I love seeing him on the weekends.

I still feel guilty about doubting how great my relationship is. I mean I tell everyone the law guardian today, the judge last week, Barbara, my gas station guy, etc. about how great he is. And believe me I now how great he is. My boyfriend needs to be patient with me in my doubting of almost everything about us. How great we are, how great he is, his intentions, my feelings, etc. I wish I didn’t doubt things so much and really don’t know why I do. Nanna told my mom that I was being cautious and everyone says I’m so happy, even the court officers weird, well my mom said “at least you’re not a miserable bitch.” Lol funny cant believe people thought I was so miserable before. I think I’m getting anxious about not seeing him so much this early in the relationship. If this was our situation 2 years from now I don’t think I would be worrying about anything. Maybe I fee like you are suppose to get to know everything about he guy you date then date him. And although I feel like I now him I kinds feel this is a learn how you go thing. And hey it’s been going great! No complaints. And although I want to get back on a schedule with my workouts and eating and my me time maybe I should stop worrying about my relationship schedule and concentrate on how great things are and not how fast they are progressing. Lets face it my Blackberry calendar is a little crazy so why shouldn’t my relationship calendar.

It’s very hard explaining an Italian holiday to non Italians unless you experience it yourself. First they all revolve around some religious holiday, for the most part. We have adopted Fourth of July and some other American Holidays just because it is another excuse to eat like gavones all day.

I never realized how funny Italians are and how crazy they are over food but if you really think of it we have parties for everything. Feasts for your saint day, feasts for the town your family is from, more food when your making food, like tomatoes sauce day, wine day, making the sopressata day etc. if your at my Zia Gina’s on Mondays you eat like it’s a holiday every Monday and sometimes Wednesday. Then forget the big holidays like Thanksgiving where 2 turkeys is a norm, Xmas Eve where there is more fish than in the ocean and Xmas where you have to eat traditional Italian and American food. Oh and barbeques that consist of 2 types of pasta usually ziti and lasagna and burgers, hot dogs and sausage, cold pasta salads, some Italian sausage and veggie burgers and fish with the head still on it if your a vegetarian like me.

So yesterday was Easter. And for the first time we ate at a restaurant and it was great. Then of course we went to a relative’s house where there were two desserts for everyone there. This was the first year since high school I was actually home for Easter, even in high school I went away with friends for Easter. This was also the first Easter I drank 2 bottles of wine and the year I probably shouldn’t have. Just like at Danas baby shower when I started drinking at 2 and the shower was over at 3 am, I felt like this Easter was a blur. I literally feel like I did not say two words all night at Zia’s house. I couldn’t even drive to Zia’s from the restaurant.

It was fine, I don’t think anyone noticed, and there was so many people there, cousins, aunts, in-laws, friends, and babies.

And besides food, I never noticed we give a busta for everything. A busta is usually reserved for weddings, aka the envelope. But yesterday before I was leaving Zia’s everyone goes into their purses and gets out the busta. It’s actually quite funny, you get up start saying your goodbyes and kissing everyone and one by one everyone starts scrambling for their purses. I got lottery scratch offs, a Starbucks gift card, a gift certificate for a manicure, all in all I did well. I guess I never realized the bustas on Easter because when you were little you got your gifts from your family members right when you step foot in the door, I guess when you get older you get it as your bout to walk out the door.

 Just when I thought this week was gonna be a good week at work (because last week sucked and next week is going to suck too) Monday happens and disaster struck. I’m getting my vacation bug again and finding myself Orbitzing every chance I get instead of Face booking. I’m thinking Lisbon, Canary Islands, and Grand Canyon for my thirtieth. I actually am seriously considering the latter. Vegas/Grand Canyon, the only thing is for my thirtieth I wanted to take a week and take a bday vaca and a summer vacation, but if I do Vegas I’m thinking only 4 or 5 days. I also want to go to South Carolina with my little cousins in July for a few days, so that will be cool. Now I’m thinking another mini vaca in the end of May.

I’m heading to Toronto in two weeks for the weekend so maybe that ill cure my itch to get away for another few months.

So I have to get back at this gym thing slowly. Very slowly 2 hour workout Sunday and two hours tonight Wednesday. My trainer said it didnt look like i gained any weight but I looked loose. Loose, nice! And Bo the other trainer told me that I must be lost because this was a gym not a Club. At least people are looking out for me my fitness goal for this sumer is never gonna be met, and for this Im very very depressed. I dont really get depressed but Im very sad about this. I was actually thinking about morning and night workouts on the days I dont have Court, but yeah, dont think that is gonna materialize.

My stomach has been killing me the past 2 days and I was reading every label to see if I had pistachio poisoning but tonight I went to grab these new chocolate almond fiber bars my mom bought and decided to read the back. And you know on those little bars to read the calories you kind of have to play around with the wrapper. Well this is what it said, “NEW USERS: increase your fiber intake gradually. Gastrointestinal discomfort may occur until your body adjusts.” They dont even have that kind of warning label on my Laci DeBeaus ieters Tea. And let me tell you folks gastrointestinal discomfort, is exactly what I was experiencing.  I never got to read the calories.

Today I listened to an old friend talk about how her husband is always tired and watches UPorn and even when she wears little nighties or she does other things he’s not in the mood. I also heard about how 2 people in their 60syear old have an avid sex life.   I don’t know why I’m writing about this I wish I could detail the whole conversation on here because it was very amusing hmmm but I can’t.

I’ve been home a lot lately well, not the last 2 weeks because I have been working late but for the past few days. I have decided that I absolutely cannot stand being home for long periods of time. I still cannot fall asleep early. I still do not read the books and mags I want to. I still don’t relax. Just the opposite I’m bored and then I get mad at myself that I’m bored.

Home. Is I guess where you live? Where I live now is my childhood home and for the holidays the feeling is incredible. But now after a little over 2 years I cannot believe I am still here, in my parent’s home, my childhood home. I thought it would only be for 6 months, then work got so busy and still busy and for the passed few days I have been home. I mean after 8 and some days after 7 and that’s a lot for me. In my old apartment I used to love getting home when I was exhausted and chilling, except after the bar when I was totally broke and bored and couldn’t really leave because I didn’t have any money or a job. And my biggest thrill was going for a walk in Forest Park and checking my email and going to lunch everyday with my friend because that was a meal I didn’t have to pay for.

So I need an apartment, ASAP but I also love the fact that I’m paying off my student loans. My goal is an apartment and ½ of my student loans paid by 2010. Well see I think 2011 is more doable but I’m aiming for 2010. I just dint want to dump all my money in an apartment right now and have to pay the minimum on my loans again and not be able to spend any money or go on any trips, oh and my car. I have really grown accustomed to my little weekend trips.